


Who's the one you think of night and day?

by Sevnaria



Series: We are here [9]
Category: Monsta X (Band), The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, A little bit of fluff, Bullying, Canon Compliant, Eventual Happy Ending, First Kiss, Homophobic Language, I'll try to make it slow burn, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, M/M, Mild Smut, Not Beta Read, Original Character(s), Rare Pairings, Some Swearing, Strangers to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-05-31 02:19:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19416460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevnaria/pseuds/Sevnaria
Summary: Changkyun runs into Jacob at several occasions and they become friends. They have a lot in common and would be the perfect match...(if only Changkyun wasn't hung up on someone else, while also getting harrassed by people from his past)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to try and make this a slightly longer story, and I'm calling it an attempt at slow burn. It closely connected to "Unseal my lips" (part 6 of this series) and takes place both before, during and after that. 
> 
> I honestly don't know where this pairing came from. I was originally trying to think of someone in Seventeen to hook Changkyun up with since they're so close to Monsta X in general, but no one quite fit in my opinion. So I eventually turned to The Boyz and there was Jacob, being his normal angel self. So yeah, I like them together and I'll do my best to make sure you do too!

Changkyun understood that the members participating individually in variety shows was a good thing, he truly did. And he had been really excited for Minhyuk to get this chance, knowing the other sometimes worried that he didn’t stand out in the group. Which, Changkyun liked to remind the older, was complete bullshit. 

However, what was less great about individual schedules was that in combination with limited company vehicles, it meant carpooling. Changkyun had been at a standard check-up at the company doctor’s office and on the way back to the dorms the manager had told him that they were to pick up Minhyuk from his variety show shooting. Changkyun nodded absentmindedly, it was only natural since the studio was on the way and he wasn’t really in a rush to get back. They parked in the garage underneath the tvN building a couple of minutes later and Changkyun made himself comfortable in his seat when the manager told him they would probably have to wait for a while.

~~~ 

Alright, one hour did not constitute as “a while” in Changkyun’s book and he told the manager as much. The latter smiled apologetically and then left the van to look for someone who could tell him when Minhyuk would be done. Changkyun sighed and looked out the toned window, he was bored of playing games on his phone and there really wasn’t much else to do in the confined space of the van. So he carefully opened the door, making sure there was no one else around, and got out. He put on a mask and pulled up his hood over his head as he walked towards the exit. He told himself he would just take a quick stroll and then return before anyone noticed he was gone, he didn’t expect to go very far.

He also didn’t expect to stop after only having taken a dozen steps but when he was passing a large, black van, someone stepped out from behind it and collided with Changkyun, sending them both to the ground. 

“Ouch”, Changkyun rubbed his bottom, which had taken the worst of the fall, and looked at the other. His hair was a darker shade of brown, he had glasses and a mask that obscured most of his face but Changkyun felt like he recognized his eyes from somewhere. 

“I’m so sorry”, the other said and practically jumped Changkyun in his effort to help him up. 

“It’s alright”, Changkyun said once they were both standing, facing each other. He saw the other’s eyes widening in recognition, followed by immense regret.

“I.M. sunbaenim? I’m really sorry”, he bent down as if to bow but Changkyun reflexively grabbed his arm to keep him upright.

“No need to apologize, seriously, it was just as much my fault. I wasn’t really paying attention.” The other looked like he wanted to protest but before any of them could say anything else, a third voice shouted from afar. 

“Jacob!” 

They both turned and saw a middle aged man coming towards them with hurried steps, Changkyun almost felt threatened when their gazes met. When the man reached them, he stepped in between them, facing Changkyun. 

“I told you to stay in the car”, the man said over his shoulder to the guy evidently named Jacob. He just sighed, making Changkyun think of a teenager fed up with his mom, and stepped around the man. 

“Hyung, this is I.M. sunbaenim from Monsta X”, Jacob explained and smiled at Changkyun. “And this” he pointed at the man, “is my manager, who probably thinks you’re some weirdo trying to kidnap me.”

His manager looked between them and then, realizing his mistake, immediately bowed to Changkyun while apologizing. Jacob looked entertained by the whole situation and Changkyun couldn’t help smiling. He assured the poor man that he wasn’t offended and that his reaction had been completely understandable. Then someone called his name and he turned to see his own manager and Minhyuk approach the trio. Introductions were made and Changkyun finally realized that it was Jacob from The Boyz he had in front of him. He should have made the connection earlier when he’d heard the name but he hadn’t had many interactions with the group before. They were soon joined by Sunwoo, who Changkyun recognized immediately, maybe because he didn’t wear a mask like Jacob and because he remembered Minhyuk mentioning doing the show with him.

Soon, they all said their goodbyes as Jacob and Sunwoo were headed to another schedule and Changkyun assured Jacob one last time that he wasn’t mortally wounded. They piled into their respective vans and when Minhyuk asked Changkyun how he knew Jacob, the younger just said that they bumped into each other.

~~~

To be honest, Changkyun hadn’t thought about Jacob that much until they met the second time. It had been a couple of months since their first encounter when Changkyun accompanied Hoseok to Hyunwoo’s special shoot with main dancers from several different groups. They were there for moral support and to make it easier for their leader to socialize with the others there. Even if Hyunwoo had told them that it wasn’t necessary, they could tell he was grateful they had come. 

Turns out, they weren’t the only cheerleaders. There were a few people from Seventeen, NCT and The Boyz there as well, one or two from each group. Changkyun and Hoseok were talking to Seungkwan and Seokmin when someone tapped Changkyun on the shoulder and he turned around. 

“I.M. sunbaenim”, Jacob greeted with a brilliant smile and bowed, Changkyun returning the gesture.

“Please, hyung is fine”, he paused for a second while thinking. “Or am I even older than you?”

Jacob laughed then and nodded.

“By a year, hyung.” Changkyun didn’t know how Jacob knew his age but guessed he was one of those people who actually read up on his colleagues. Changkyun usually just winged it, or asked Minhyuk, who usually knew. 

They fell into a long conversation ranging from their quick realization that they were the same height to the struggles of being left-handed. It was surprisingly easy to keep the flow of the conversation going and Changkyun learnt a lot about Jacob. 

Before they knew it, the shoot had ended and it was time to pack up and leave. Jacob hesitantly asked Changkyun for his number and while the older was surprised, he was pleasantly so. Changkyun didn't have a lot of friends in the idol community since he often found it hard opening up to new people but he had enjoyed talking to Jacob and if the other also thought it had been nice, great. He was happy to exchange numbers and a grin stayed on his face the whole way home, despite Hoseok teasing him and trying to figure out what had made the younger so happy. Changkyun refused to tell him that he’d actually sort of made a friend since he knew how Hoseok would react, cooing followed by an outburst of overprotectiveness. So he kept silent and when they got home he noticed that Jacob had already sent him a message, saying it had been nice seeing Changkyun again. He typed out a reply returning the sentiment and let out a content sigh. He’d actually made a new friend. Bae Jacob.


	2. Chapter 2

After Changkyun had come out to his members, they had asked who else knew besides them. He had reluctantly told them about the bullies during his trainee days and confessed that he hadn’t really tried telling someone else until Minhyuk. His family knew though, he’d told them when he was younger and first noticed that he might be slightly different from other boys, they’d thankfully been really supportive right from the start. 

“Give me names and a description of their faces and I’ll take care of it”, Kihyun said while cracking his knuckles menacingly. 

“But you already know my family, hyung”, Changkyun feigned ignorance and Kihyun sighed.

“You know I’m talking about those pea-brained maggots who dared lay their hands on you.”

Changkyun just smiled at the other who seemed truly upset and he felt loved, although not in the way he would have wanted to. As the others began to fantasize about what they would do if they ever found the bullies, Changkyun stood back and watched them. He was so incredibly grateful that they all had accepted him without question and he couldn’t understand why he’d ever been afraid of telling them in the first place. Right in that moment, Changkyun felt as though he could announce it to the entire world without fear. But maybe he would start with just one more person for now. 

He noticed Hyunwoo standing behind Kihyun, taking the other’s hand in his and Changkyun thought he saw a faint blush on Kihyun’s cheeks before he quickly turned around and left the room. 

Entering his bedroom, he tried to forget what he’d just seen and focused on his phone instead. He pulled up his conversation with Jacob, who he’d gotten remarkably close to during the last couple of months. In the beginning, they had only chatted every now and then, but as time went by and they grew more comfortable with each other, barely a day passed without some sort of contact. Changkyun was happy with their friendship, it was nice being close to someone outside of his group in the k-pop community. Although he loved all of his members to death, there were some things that could only be discussed with an objective party who would always take Changkyun’s side. He felt like he could tell Jacob anything and always be met by understanding and sympathy. He guessed this would put that understanding to the test.

With trembling hands, Changkyun slowly wrote down his biggest secret and sent it before he could start second-guessing himself. 

Not even a minute passed before he saw the small dots appear, indicating that Jacob was typing. He closed his eyes and felt the vibration of the phone, knowing he’d gotten an answer. As long as Changkyun didn’t look, his friendship with Jacob was the same as it had been and not ruined. 

Eventually, he couldn’t put it off any longer and he squinted down at the screen, opening his eyes completely when he saw a bunch of emojis. It was a cluster of hearts, smiling faces and party poppers. Changkyun smiled as he read the words underneath. 

Not only did Jacob tell him how happy he was for him and how brave Changkyun was, but he also confessed that he was the same. Changkyun hadn’t expected that, but he felt so honored that Jacob had shared that with him. Granted, they had talked a lot but Changkyun definitely thought that he was the one more invested in their friendship, he was sure Jacob had tons of other friends given how likeable he was. But Jacob telling Changkyun something like that made him feel special, like he meant something to him as well. 

They chatted long into the night and Jacob shared his own experience, how he’d already come out to his entire group and that it had gone mostly okay (he didn’t say more than that and Changkyun didn’t want to pry). Jacob had come out to his parents at a young age, much like Changkyun, and the older was relieved to hear that Jacob’s parents had been as open-minded as his own. 

When they finally said goodnight Changkyun’s heart felt somewhat lighter. Not only had he come out to his members, but also someone he considered his best friend outside the group. And not one of them had reacted in a bad way, quite the opposite. He felt loved and reassured that he was accepted by those closest to him. It had taken a while for him to get to this point but it had all been worth it in the end and Changkyun felt like bursting from gratefulness, he was so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by such loving people and he wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

~~~

Although coming out had taken a lot of weight off Changkyun’s shoulders, he still had to deal with his stupid crush on Kihyun, who seemed to have become more bold when it came to displaying his love for Hyunwoo. They would often be holding hands, exchanging shorts kisses or cuddling up to each other during movie nights. Changkyun slowly got used to it, both the displays of affection and the sympathetic looks from Minhyuk that followed. 

He had told the other numerous times that he was fine and would get over it soon but Minhyuk still tried his best to comfort the younger. He would cuddle up to Changkyun and shield his eyes from Kihyun and Hyunwoo, sometimes calling the couple out on their PDA to make them stop whatever they were doing. Changkyun appreciated the support but he was afraid that Minhyuk’s administrations would make the others realize something was up. So he told the older to stop fussing over him and Minhyuk seemed to get the message, leaving the younger alone and settling for just watching on from a distance. 

Changkyun knew that Jooheon and Hoseok suspected something was going on, as they had both individually pulled Changkyun aside to ask him if everything was alright. He did not want them to know anything about his crush since he was sure that would mess up the dynamics in the group. So instead he made up some story about having trouble sleeping which predictably led Jooheon to start sending him home early and Hoseok to get him to try all kinds of strange remedies. He played along, feeling bad for lying to them but it was still better than them finding out the truth.

~~~

Everyone was supposed to be out, they all had plans for the day and Changkyun would have the dorm to himself. At first, he’d planned to sleep the day away, maybe watch a few episodes of the drama Hyungwon had gotten him addicted to. But when he took out his laptop and opened it he was immediately reminded of the fact that he had lent it to Jooheon the previous night. The other had clearly forgotten to close down what he had been watching and Changkyun hurriedly slammed the laptop shut in shock. 

He dragged a hand over his face and sighed, he should have known something was up the second Jooheon had wanted to borrow his laptop instead of using his own stationary computer. Now that he thought about it, the other had looked slightly flushed when he returned it to Changkyun. _No wonder_ , Changkyun thought as he hesitantly opened up the laptop again. He tried to avoid looking at the naked bodies as he closed the window, not needing to know that Jooheon was into massage porn. 

He was going to open Netflix and watch the drama when something hit him. He was _completely alone_ and that meant he was free to do whatever he wanted without needing to worry about being seen or heard. He swallowed as his mind wandered to unbidden thoughts, he hadn’t really watched porn before, just once or twice before deeming it useless. Then again, that had been straight porn, which in hindsight would explain why he hadn’t liked it. 

Before he realized what he was doing, he opened a window in incognito mode and searched for “gay porn”, not really sure how else to find what he was looking for. Google got his back though, and he just clicked on the first option, which took him to some sort of homepage with several videos lined up. He looked at the thumbnails, stunned for a moment by the sheer amount of naked men in various positions. Then he picked one that looked… nice. He didn’t think he would enjoy anything too extreme so the picture of two males kissing on a bed seemed like a good place to start. Before pressing play, he quickly took a look around the dorm to ensure that he really was alone and once that was confirmed he shut the door to his room and settled himself on his bed in front of the laptop.

He just watched the first video without doing anything but then he got bolder and brought some lotion and a towel. He started a new video, all the while keeping to those where the couples seemed genuine, exchanging kisses like they were really in love. He imagined himself with someone he loved and tried to keep the person faceless, not wanting to accidentally picture himself with Kihyun while he touched himself. It seemed wrong to taint his hyung like that, especially when the other was already in a loving relationship.

He put some lotion in his palm and slowly started stroking himself while keeping his eyes on the half-naked kissing males. He tried keeping his mouth shut until he remembered that he was alone and started letting out small moans as raw pleasure started to cloud his mind. It was by no means the first time he ever masturbated but it was the first time he had visual aid to help guide his fantasies along and it made all the difference. The men advanced from kissing and Changkyun could feel his cheeks blushing.

He reached his limit sooner than he would have liked to admit and it had him seeing black spots while he rode it out, breathing heavily. After cleaning himself up and putting away his laptop, he lay down on his back and felt a lot calmer. Evidently, rubbing one off had some great effects on a confused mind, who knew. It also made Changkyun really tired, like he’d gone for a run or something equally tiring. He yawned and decided to take a nap until the others came back for dinner. 

~~~

As soon as he let the words slip he knew he’d fucked up and he blamed his big mouth for not knowing when to keep quiet. Minhyuk looked absolutely panicked when Changkyun turned everyone’s attention to him and that wasn’t what he’d been after. Changkyun only wanted them to stop teasing him for being caught, he didn’t mean for Minhyuk to become their target instead. Especially not since the older had looked like it was the end of the world. He wanted to apologize but he wasn’t sure what for and told himself he would ask Minhyuk about it later. 

During the following days, the members seemed to have made some sort of game out of catching Minhyuk in the act. Changkyun snorted at their disappointment when they continuously failed, he didn’t care much for taking part in it himself. After all, he had first hand experience in getting caught and knew how mortifying it felt. So he just enjoyed the others frustration and stayed out of it.

When Minhyuk yelled at him Changkyun’s first reaction was confusion. What did he do wrong? He’d only been passing by the living room when Minhyuk stood up from the couch and started screaming at him. Before he could formulate an answer in his defense, Minhyuk was gone and he was left alone. Still somewhat in shock, Changkyun sank down on the floor, back against the wall. As he tried to calm down, a few tears made their way down his cheek and he raised a sleeve to wipe them away. 

“What’s all this yelling about, can’t you-” Kihyun’s voice came closer, Changkyun guessed he’d been in his room. 

The older paused mid sentence and crouched in front of Changkyun, gingerly placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“You alright?” 

Changkyun just nodded and looked towards the hallway. “You might wanna send someone after Minhyuk, though. He seemed really fed up with everything that’s been going on.” 

Kihyun seemed to understand what “everything” referred to and told Changkyun to stay where he was before he walked off towards the closest room. Changkyun heard him talking to Jooheon and the other rapper soon emerged and walked towards Changkyun. The younger assured him that he was okay when he made to stop and gestured for him to hurry after Minhyuk instead. Kihyun returned to his side and sat down next to Changkyun, placing an arm around his shoulders. 

“Don’t take it personally, it could have been any one of us.”

“I know”, the rational part of Changkyun knew that it had just been a case of bad timing on his part, Minhyuk wasn’t specifically angry with him. Still, he had been surprised by the sudden outburst. 

Kihyun pulled Changkyun closer and the younger placed his head on his shoulder, basking in the warmth of the other’s body. Changkyun could have pretended that it meant more than just a friend comforting another, but at that moment Hyunwoo came in and Kihyun disentangled himself and got to his feet to greet the leader with a hug. It hurt when reality slammed into Changkyun with the force of a runaway train and he excused himself to his room, not that the lovebirds noticed. 

He called Jacob and was relieved when the other picked up. 

“I need you to help me get over someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit a mild writer's block with this chapter and I'm not too happy with how it turned out, but I want to progress the story and get to the good stuff so it'll just have to do. It picks up where "Unseal my lips" ends and takes it from there, It's not my most wholesome and coherent chapter so please tell me if something seems off or needs to be explained better.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

“That sounds rough”, Jacob said sympathetically after Changkyun had told him everything. “And you’ve never told Kihyun?”

“Are you insane? Of course not, that would jeopardise everything and like I said, he’s already perfectly happy with Hyunwoo”, Changkyun glanced towards the door to make sure no one had heard his outburst. 

“Alright, calm down and let me think.”

Jacob was quiet for so long that Changkyun started to think the younger had hung up on him.

“I’ve heard that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

It wasn’t really the advice Changkyun had expected and he told the other as much in a scandalized tone. 

“I seriously don’t get how you’ve managed to uphold your angel persona with such a dirty mind”, he clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

“Shut up”, Jacob said with a laugh, “I didn’t mean it literally. Just try to get back out there and open your eyes to other possibilities.”

“I’m a gay, male idol in Korea, there is no ‘out there’ for me”, Changkyun dead-panned.

“And that’s exactly the kind of attitude you need to get rid of.” Jacob sighed and Changkyun could picture him rubbing his forehead. “I know it’s hard but trust me when I tell you that there are other fish in-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence”, Changkyun interrupted mock-sternly. “That phrase is way overused and I will hang up on you if you use it.” He heard Jacob snort and continued before the other had the chance to say anything. “Besides, have you ever personally caught something in that not-to-be-mentioned body of water?” 

Jacob grew quiet at that and Changkyun immediately regretted asking. Jacob and him had never really talked much about dating and such, it might very well be a touchy subject. He was about to take it back and change subject when Jacob spoke. 

“I have, a long time ago.” Changkyun waited for him to continue. “It was during my training period, me and this other trainee were close and I would turn to him for pretty much anything. And I eventually decided to come out to him, which went well. Really well actually, we started dating.” 

Changkyun had mentally prepared himself to console the younger so he was taken aback by the seemingly happy turn the story took and could only hum to show that he was still listening.

“Surprisingly, no one found out and we were together for about six months before he transferred companies and we realized that it would be impossible to continue on as we had. So we called it quits, but we’re still on good terms and keep in touch.”

“Huh”, Changkyun didn’t know what to say to that. 

“Huh? I tell you something I’ve never told anyone before and that’s your reaction?” 

“I mean, I kinda expected it to end worse, so it was a bit anticlimactic I guess”, Changkyun admitted and then registered what Jacob had said. “Wait, you’ve never told anyone? Ever? What about your family, or group members?”

“It never came up”, Jacob sounded indifferent, a little too indifferent, and Changkyun thought there was probably more to the story. But he’d been nosy enough for one night so he let it go.

“Well I’m honored, and glad, that you told me.”

“Yeah, me too”, Jacob exhaled loudly and Changkyun smiled. “It’s like a load off my chest, I didn’t even realize it would feel this good to finally talk to someone about it.”

“If you ever need to talk, about whatever, I’ve been told I’m a great listener”, Changkyun wanted Jacob to know that he was there for him. He wanted the younger to feel comfortable confiding in him, since that’s what Jacob was to him. A confidante that didn’t judge without hearing the whole story and always tried his best to understand. 

“Thank you, hyung”, Jacob said in a quiet, almost shy, voice. “I really appreciate it.”

~~~

“Congratulations on your first win”, Changkyun gave Jacob a hug and ruffled his blond hair. 

“You already said that once”, Jacob grinned as they sat down in one of the comfortable couches. Changkyun had invited the younger over to Starship Entertainment for a coffee in the company café. 

“But that was over the phone, I had to tell you in person too”, Changkyun handed Jacob his cup. “Black with two sugar, right?” 

“Just the way I like it”, Jacob smiled and took a sip. 

“So, how did you guys celebrate?”

As Jacob described in great detail how they had gone from crying their eyes out to partying all night, Changkyun tried to pay attention to what he said but he couldn’t help getting distracted by the younger’s enthusiastic gestures and bright eyes. He just seemed so _alive_ in that moment and Changkyun knew he was staring but thankfully the other seemed to engrossed in his story to notice. 

After a while, Jacob seemed to have finished recounting their big night and apologized for his non-stop talking but Changkyun was quick to assure him that it was fine, “I told you I’m a great listener”. He was about to share his memories from Monsta X’s first win when they were interrupted. 

“So here’s where you’re hiding”, Minhyuk’s voice came from behind them and Changkyun whipped his head around to see his hyung approaching them. 

“I’m not hiding”, he protested as Minhyuk joined them on the couch. The older completely ignored him and leaned forward to look past him at Jacob.

“Hi, Jacob right? I think we met once before.” Jacob could only nod timidly as Minhyuk went on and on about how he was glad Changkyun had made a friend and that Jacob seemed like “a good kid”. 

Changkyun just groaned but knew that there was no stopping Minhyuk and let him talk, regardless of how embarrassed he felt. It sounded like Minhyuk was his parent and Jacob was the first friend Changkyun had ever had. Which wasn’t true, Changkun had plenty of other friends, he just didn’t meet up with them often, or ever anymore. It was hard keeping in touch, with his busy schedule getting in the way and he usually spent time with his family when he had free time. So he supposed, in a way, Jacob could be seen as his only friend outside of the group. He was the only one he talked to on a regular basis and Changkun had already admitted to himself that Jacob had become someone truly important to him. After all, at this point he knew more about him than almost anyone else. 

“Changkyun-ah, are you with us?”

Minhyuk’s voice brought him out of his head and he blinked confusedly at the others who were looking at him in amusement. 

“What?”

“I swear you could give Hyunwoo a run for his money when it comes to spacing out”, Minhyuk shook his head. “I was asking if you remember that we have practice in like half an hour?”

Changkyun had completely forgotten about that, or rather, he hadn’t thought his and Jacob’s hang-out would last longer than an hour, tops. A look at his phone showed that they had been there for closer to four hours and his chin literally dropped before he collected himself. 

“I guess I lost track of time”, he smiled sheepishly and Minhyuk sighed before standing up and walking away. 

“I’ll tell the others you’ll be a little late.”

“Thank you”, Changkyun called after him and turned to Jacob. “I guess I have to go, but this was really nice.”

“I had a great time, I’m just sorry for talking your ear off.” Jacob scratched the back of his neck. 

“Don’t worry about it, you’re a really good story teller and I enjoyed it”, Changkyun assured him as he saw Jacob out of the building. “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Sure, have fun practicing”, Jacob waved as he walked out.

Changkyun turned around and took long strides towards the elevators to get to the practice room, thankfully he already had sweatpants and a simple t-shirt on, they would be good enough to dance in. He pressed the button to summon one of the elevators and he didn’t have to wait long until a small ding announced its arrival. When the doors slid open, Changkyun almost walked right into someone who exited the elevator. He apologized and looked up, only to meet a pair of painfully familiar eyes. 

“Well”, the other male plastered a smile on his face that would’ve seemed friendly had Changkyun not known better. “It’s been a while hasn’t it, Changkyun?” 

“Hello Junseo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dun dun duuuun*, enter our villain.
> 
> I'm sorry for taking so long with the updates for this story, it's been a slow progress and while one would think going on vacation from work would mean having more time to write, I've been super busy with other stuff. But I'll try to go for weekly updates from now on ^^ (don't quote me on that)
> 
> As always, a big thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to clarify that Junseo is a completely made up character and is not based on a real person (I discovered that there is a Junseo in 1THE9 and didn't want anyone to think it was him). 
> 
> Also: Warning for some homophobic slurs in this chapter.

Changkyun tried to focus on practice but it was hard when all he could see was the face of Junseo, his former best friend and main tormenter during his days as a trainee. He had prayed to every deity he could think of that he would never see the guy again but apparently none had listened. He had been shocked to say the least, and hadn’t managed to say anything besides a reflexive greeting. Thankfully, someone had called Junseo’s name and he had walked off, telling Changkyun he would see him around. 

What did he mean by that? Changkyun knew he had left Starship Entertainment around the time that Monsta X had their debut, he had been relieved when he had found out that he wouldn’t be at the company anymore. Was he back now? As a trainee again or as something else? Changkyun just hoped that the other had been wrong, that they wouldn’t see each other again. He had finally began healing from the tormenting of the past and he didn’t want a living reminder walking around the company, his workplace. 

Changkyun messed up the dance yet again and he could tell the others were growing annoyed with him. To their credit, they hadn’t snapped at him yet and Changkyun thought that if the roles were reversed he probably wouldn’t have been able to hold back. This time though, it seemed to be one too many times and Hyungwon let out a loud sigh. Even Hyunwoo, with his incredible amount of patience, frowned at Changkyun and he shrank into himself. 

“I’m really sorry, I can’t think straight”, he mumbled, hoping they would see that he wasn’t in the mood to talk. 

“To be fair, you never think straight”, there was Minhyuk and his ever positive attitude. Changkyun could hear Hoseok and Jooheon laughing at that and even Hyungwon couldn’t hold back a small smile. 

“Very funny hyung”, he rolled his eyes and got back into position. 

“Thinking about something or someone special?” Minhyuk inquired and Changkyun recognized a hint of something teasing in his voice. “You and Jacob seem close? I’ve heard you talking on the phone a lot these days.”

Changkyun immediately knew what Minhyuk was hinting at and he was baffled, he hadn’t thought of Jacob like that at all.

“We’re friends”, he answered honestly and tried to gesture for someone to restart the song but Minhyuk didn’t know when to quit. 

“Just friends?” 

“Just friends”, Changkyun said sharply and Hyunwoo seemed to get enough then, as he moved towards the sound system and telling the rest of them to get to their spots. When the song began again, Minhyuk mouthed an apology at Changkyun when their eyes met and Changkyun just gave the other a smile. He wasn’t really angry at Minhyuk, he just wanted the other to understand that he and Jacob were friends and nothing more. Sure, they were close but Changkyun had never considered the possibility of them getting romantically involved. He liked Jacob, the other was really kind and funny and Changkyun could listen to him talk for hours, as proven earlier that day. But he’d never felt the urge to take a further step in the relationship and he was sure Jacob thought the same. 

He managed to get through the song alright, despite thinking more about Jacob than about the routine. It wasn’t until they called it a day that Changkyun remembered Junseo and his words. He followed Hoseok out of the practice room and carefully looked in all directions to make sure that the bully wasn’t lurking nearby. He knew he was being paranoid but he couldn’t afford to run into Junseo while with his hyungs, he wouldn’t know what to do. He didn’t want them to figure out who Junseo was and possibly do something rash, like start a fight. Now, none of his members were violent by nature, but Kihyun had already declared that he would *take care of* the bullies if he found out who they were and Hoseok had a habit of getting really protective whenever something happened to one of them. 

Changkyun just didn’t want anyone to get into trouble, not for his sake. 

~~~

He didn’t see Junseo again for a few weeks, during which Changkyun relaxed and told himself that the other had probably only said that he would see Changkyun around to scare him. He had probably only been at the company for a one time thing, maybe he had visited some on his old friends or something. That’s what Changkyun told himself and in hindsight, he should have probably continued to keep his guard up. 

“Changkyun!”

At the sound of his name, Changkyun automatically turned around. He and Jooheon were spending the day writing and he had been on his way back to the studio after a bathroom break. He hadn’t recognized the voice and assumed it was a company employee, until he could see the face of the one calling for him. His entire body went rigid, much like it had when they had faced each other outside the elevator. 

“I was wondering when I would see you again, our last meeting was so terribly brief”, Junseo said mock-sadly as he continued walking towards Changkyun. 

“What do you want?” Changkyun gave himself a mental pat on the back for being able to formulate a coherent sentence. 

“I just wanted to catch up, maybe reminisce about the past?” The leering look made it perfectly clear that Junseo’s intentions were anything but nice. “We used to be so close Changkyun, what happened?”

The nerve of the other made Changkyun unfreeze, anger quickly becoming his most prominent emotion.

“You know perfectly well what happened”, he spat. 

“Oh right, I remember now”, Junseo leaned down and his face was uncomfortably close to Changkyun’s. “You betrayed my trust and turned out to be a disgusting _faggot._ ”

_“Hey Junseo, there was something I wanted to talk to you about”, Changkyun wrung his hands and couldn’t look the other in the eyes._

_“Okay, shoot.” Junseo smiled at him and sat down next to the other. They had stayed behind after dance class and Changkyun didn’t want to keep lying to his friend anymore._

_“I like you”, he whispered, holding his breath._

_“That’s it?” Junseo laughed and Changkyun was relieved. “I like you too.”_

_Changkyun snapped his head towards the other, he couldn’t believe it._

_“Really?”_

_“Of course”, Junseo turned towards Changkyun and ruffled his hair affectionately. Changkyun mused and then leaned forward, pursing his lips and closing his eyes._

_The next thing he knew, he was pushed backwards and fell down on his back. He tried to understand what had happened and looked at Junseo, who stood up._

_“What the hell?” He had screamed and looked down at Changkyun with something that seemed painfully similar to revulsion._

_“But”, Changkyun scrambled to his feet, still confused. “You said you liked me too.”_

_A few seconds passed and then Junseo started laughing. Changkyun smiled unsurely, maybe the other was just joking?_

_“Oh wow”, Junseo’s face instantly turned into a cold mask. “You really think I’m a faggot like you?”_

_The other might as well have punched him in the gut, Changkyun instinctively took a step backwards._

_“I better warn the others before you decide to deceive them too”, Junseo left the room and Changkyun stood rooted to the floor, trying to take in what had just happened._

“And you never even apologized”, Junseo smirked. 

Changkyun thought back on what had happened after Junseo had told the other trainees about what had transpired between them. The punches that weren’t quite as hurtful as the words, the bruises that he developed methods for hiding and the general exclusion that became Changkyun’s everyday life. 

“Neither did you”, he shot back in a low voice. 

Changkyun turned to leave, he had had enough of whatever Junseo was trying to do and he needed to go back before Jooheon came looking for him. Before he could take a step, Junseo had grabbed hold of his arm and Changkyun looked at him, furious. 

“Don’t think we’re done with each other”, Junseo hissed, all previous joviality gone. 

“Oh, but we are”, Changkyun ripped his arm from the other’s hold and began walking at a brisk pace. 

“I still haven’t had the chance to meet your group members”, Junseo’s word made Changkyun stop and smile. “I think they have the right to know what kind of being you are.” 

“They already know”, he told the other, glad to have made the threat invalid. 

“But do they know the whole story, do they know that you were in love with me?”

That took Changkyun aback, he hadn’t really gone into details about his past, deliberately avoiding mentioning the crush he’d once had on his former friend. Would the others agree with Junseo, would they also think that he had been deceiving the other? Would they think that it had all been Changkyun’s fault? _Of course not._ The reassuring thought quickly drowned in the anxiety flooding Changkyun’s mind. What if they thought Changkyun had a crush on one of them, what if Minhyuk confirmed this and told them about his feelings for Kihyun? Was he deceiving Kihyun too?

“That’s what I thought”, Changkyun had forgotten the presence of Junseo. The other looked like a cat that had gotten its paws on a mouse.   
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell them.” Junseo began walking away. “I might, however, need a favour from you. I’ll let you know.”

Changkyun stood there until Junseo had disappeared around the corner, then he ran in the opposite direction until he reached the studio where Jooheon was. He paused before opening the door to catch his breath and dry his eyes. Then he walked in and told Jooheon he had been held up by a manager that wanted to go over his schedule with him, hence his late return. The other accepted the excuse without so much as a raised eyebrow and they got back to work. 

Changkyun didn’t allow himself to think about Junseo until late that night, after Minhyuk had begun snoring. That’s when he let go and eventually cried himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't looking so good and it will get worse for a bit but I do have a happy ending in mind, so don't worry too much about it!
> 
> Thank you for keeping on reading this story and I'll try to get out the next chapter soon^^


	5. Chapter 5

The sound of gunshots woke Changkyun up and he bolted upright. Seconds later, the whole room erupted in laughter and he looked around, confused as to where he was. 

“I can’t believe you managed to fall asleep not even ten minutes into the movie”, Jooheon poked his cheek and Changkyun realized they were seated in the living room couch. The lights were out but he could still make out the faces of the rest of the members scattered around the room, trying and failing to hide their amusement. He then turned his attention towards the tv, where the protagonist was going haywire with a machine gun. 

Right, movie night.

“I think I’m gonna turn in”, was all Changkyun said before he stood and left the room. The others bid him good night, it had been a long day of practice and wanting to sleep early was understandable. 

When Changkyun closed the bedroom door behind him he let out a sigh, moving to lay down on his bed. He was tired, but not only from practicing. Ever since his encounter with Junseo, Changkyun had been plagued by nightmares almost every night. They were reminders of the past, repressed images of what he’d gone through all those years ago coming up to the surface. He would wake up in a cold sweat, in the middle of the night, and try to calm himself down by thinking it was all in the past. That thought didn’t have too much of an effect though, seeing how Junseo wasn’t just in the past anymore. 

He had seen the other around the company a lot and understood that he was back as a trainee and would soon be making his debut as a solo artist under Starship Entertainment, meaning Changkyun would be forced to see more of him in the future and maybe even interact with him. He always felt sick whenever their eyes met but thankfully they hadn’t had any more one-on-one encounters and Junseo acted like they didn’t know each other. 

Changkyun couldn’t help thinking about the favour Junseo had mentioned and he hated himself for being too much of a coward to simply tell his members and have them help him get the bully off his back. But he was terrified of them somehow siding with Junseo, or feel sympathy for him. He had also considered talking to Jacob about it, since the other was always supportive of Changkyun. Yet, something held him back. he didn’t want to drag the younger into his drama when Jacob would be better off not knowing about it. The other would probably worry and get himself involved and Changkyun wanted to avoid that at all cost.

~~~

Changkyun and Jacob went for a walk on a sunny summer day when their schedules both had a few hours of nothing. Wearing masks and hats to hide their identities, they strolled along the Han river and ate ice cream cones while talking. Changkyun enjoyed the light breeze and wondered why he didn’t do this more often, it was nice being outside for once and not performing or heading to a schedule. Having Jacob there to accompany him was a pleasant bonus, he hadn’t expected the other to be free when he asked him if he wanted to join him for a walk along the river. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jacob asked and Changkyun looked over at him. 

“I was just thinking about how nice this is”, Changkyun said, gesturing to the river and took a breath of fresh air. 

“It is, isn’t it? Different from sweating away in a practice room or perfecting the art of couch potatoing back at the dorm.” Jacob licked a stripe of his ice cream and Changkyun couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene, his mind going places he had no control over. When Jacob shot him a questioning look he just shook his head and looked away, trying to will the heat away from his cheeks. 

“I think I have to start heading back, we’re supposed to be leaving for an interview in an hour”, Changkyun hated cutting their date (Minhyuk’s words, not his) short but he was thankful that they’d had time to meet up at all. 

“I’ll walk you”, Jacob said, ignoring Changkyun’s protests. 

They reached the Starship building far too soon for Changkyun’s liking and Jacob walked him right up to the door and told Changkyun not to be nervous at the interview before leaving. Changkyun had a dumb smile on his lips when he entered the building but it disappeared when he came face to face with none other than Junseo. 

“Sorry to ruin your good mood”, the other said, not looking even remotely apologetic. “Who’s your friend?” He pointed towards Jacob’s retreating figure and Changkyun’s heart dropped. 

“No one you would know”, he said and brushed past Junseo. 

“I don’t know, he seemed familiar”, Junseo said while following Changkyun into an elevator. 

Changkyun didn’t answer, afraid to accidentally say too much. 

“So, is he just a friend or-?” 

“Just a friend”, Changkyun cut him off and immediately realized his mistake.

“Wow, defensive much? I only asked because you have a history of having a crush on those you call friends.” 

Junseo sounded indifferent but Changkyun could sense the cruel wheels of his mind spinning. He knew the other thought he had gotten new blackmail material but Changkyun doubted Junseo knew who Jacob was. And he was not going to let him ever find out. 

“There you are”, a voice said loudly and Changkyun looked up. He hadn’t realized they had reached his floor where Minhyuk was waiting for him.

“I’m back”, he said and walked forwards, relieved to leave Junseo behind. 

“So, how was your walk with-”

“Don’t-”

“-Jacob”, Minhyuk finished, confused as to why Changkyun had tried to interrupt him.

Changkyun just turned around, barely catching the grin on Junseo’s face before the elevator doors closed and his knees gave in. When he hit the floor, Minhyuk rushed to him and sat down next to him. 

“Are you okay?” 

Changkyun was not. 

He figured it would take Junseo less than five minutes to find out who “Jacob” could be and then he would have everything he needed to make Changkyun obey his every command. He wanted to scream and run away or cut the wires of the elevator and make sure Junseo wouldn’t bother him ever again. 

However, Minhyuk was trying to get an answer out of him and he had to get it together. 

“Sorry, guess we walked too much”, he managed to stand with Minhyuk’s help and they walked to the room where the others were waiting for them so they could rehearse before the interview. He could feel Minhyuk’s eyes on him but refused to acknowledge that his excuse was absolut bull. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur, Changkyun couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom and the others could tell their maknae was distracted but they didn’t have the time to deal with it properly right then. Minhyuk talked to Kihyun about what had happened but none of them could understand Changkyun’s strange behaviour. 

When they returned later that night, Changkyun didn’t have the strength to move further that the couch in the living room and he was soon joined by Hoseok who sat down next to him. Changkyun leaned towards the older, who gently guided his head to rest on his shoulder. Changkyun’s eyes were drooping and he was already halfway off to dreamland when Hoseok’s voice cut through his sleepy haze.

“Did anything happen today, Minhyuk said you seemed upset when you got back?”

It didn’t sound like an interrogation, Hoseok kept his voice low and soft. Changkyun knew he was just worried because he cared but he still didn’t want to tell him. So he shook his head and closed his eyes determinedly, making it clear that he did not want to talk about it. Hoseok understood, like he always did, and didn’t speak again. He simply stroked Changkyun’s hair until the younger fell asleep and later carried him to his bed, knowing how sore his body would get from sleeping on the couch. 

Hoseok left quietly and headed towards the kitchen, where the rest of the members were seated at the table. 

“He’s asleep”, he announced and took his seat next to Hyungwon, who took his hand in his and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

“We can all agree that there’s something going on, right?” Minhyuk looked around the table and everyone nodded. 

“He’s been kinda distant for a while now”, Jooheon said and shrugged sadly. 

“But he won’t say anything”, Minhyuk hummed in agreement at Hoseok’s words.

“We all know how Changkyun keeps things inside until he finally explodes and it’s not the healthiest of coping mechanisms. So I say we try to find this one out for ourselves, for Changkyun’s own sake.” 

“How?” Kihyun inquired. 

“We ask the only person who might know anything”, Minhyuk was already fishing his phone up from his pocket. The others could only watch in silence as he dialed a number and put the device to his ear. 

“Hey Sunwoo, it’s Minhyuk. Yes, from Monsta X, how many Minhyuk do you know? Listen, I’m sorry for calling so late, are you at the dorm? Great, I need a favour. Do you think I could I talk to Jacob for a minute?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you feel the climax of the story approaching?
> 
> I wanted to get this chapter out earlier but I went to Berlin over the weekend so I didn't have the time/energy to finish it until today^^
> 
> What was I doing in Berlin, you ask. Well, I went to a Stray Kids concert and it was AMAZING. They were great at engaging with the audience and their live singing is no joke, I might (definitely) have fallen in love a little bit ♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter with the phone call between Minhyuk and Jacob, told from Jacob's POV.

“Hello?” Jacob answered, beyond confused. Sunwoo had just come rushing into his and Sangyeon’s room with his phone held in his outstretched arm. When Jacob had asked what he was doing, Sunwoo practically hissed at him to talk to whoever was on the phone. Jacob took the device and Sunwoo sat down next to him without further explanation. 

“Hi, is this Jacob?” A voice he didn’t recognize asked and Jacob confirmed it.

“Good, this is Minhyuk from Monsta X. I wanted to ask you something, it's about Changkyun.”

A knot formed in Jacob’s stomach, what could Minhyuk possibly have to ask him about his own member. Was it a question that had to do with Jacob’s connection to Changkyun? Maybe the other worried about their friendship or thought- Jacob cut himself off before his mind could spiral any further. 

“Yeah, sure, ask away”, was what he told Minhyuk with mock confidence. 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but Changkyun has been acting kind of weird for a while.”

Minhyuk told him all about how Changkyun had distanced himself from their members and seemed to keep something from them. Jacob hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary but some of the things Minhyuk said seemed familiar. 

“He hasn’t called as often”, Jacob admitted and berated himself for not realizing sooner. He felt a hand squeeze his knee and looked at Sunwoo, who offered his silent support. Jacob didn’t know how much the other understood just hearing his side of the conversation but he was grateful to have someone by his side. 

“There’s something else, and please don’t take this the wrong way.”

Jacob swallowed, bracing himself for whatever Minhyuk had to say.

“He seemed really out of it today, when he got back from your, um, walk. I was just wondering if something happened between you? Like an argument or something?”

Jacob could tell Minhyuk felt as uncomfortable asking as Jacob felt being asked, and he thought it over for a moment. 

“No, we had fun and he told me how nice it was to be outside for once”, Jacob couldn’t think of anything that would have put Changkyun in a bad mood. 

“I see”, Minhyuk sighed and Jacob felt bad for not being able to help the older out. “And you don’t know of something else that might be making him distressed?”

“He hasn’t told me anything”, Jacob bit his lip and tried to ignore the twinge in his heart. He had thought that Changkyun told him pretty much everything, so it hurt to know that he was keeping something from Jacob.

“Okay, thank you anyway. Sorry to disturb you this late.”

“No worries”, Jacob assured the other. When Minhyuk was about to hang up, Jacob interjected and asked the other to tell him if there was anything he could do to help.

“I’ll let you know”, Minhyuk said and Jacob thought he could hear the smile on his voice. “You’re a good friend, Jacob. Changkyun got lucky with you.”

Jacob blushed as he stammered his goodbye and handed Sunwoo his phone back. 

“What was that about?” The younger asked curiously. 

“I’m not too sure”, Jacob said honestly and ignored his heated cheeks. “But something’s up with Changkyun and I need to figure out what.”

Sunwoo smirked then and Jacob knew what the other was thinking.

“It’s not like that, get your head out of the gutter will you? He’s just a friend and I want to help him out.”

“Whatever you say”, Sunwoo said and stood up. “I’m just saying, you two would look good together.”

Jacob threw his pillow after him when he left but missed. He shook his head but the corners of his mouth turned upwards and he couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed with Sunwoo. He had always treated Jacob with respect and like there was nothing unusual about him. And he knew that the other was rooting for him and Changkyun to get together, no matter how many times Jacob had told him that they were just friends. Sunwoo and Kevin had even shown Jacob a picture of what his and Changkyun’s child would look like, they’d found some silly app and used photos of him and Changkyun. Jacob had hit them both over their heads before secretly saving the picture, just for fun of course. 

He reached for his phone and intended to call Changkyun but then remembered Minhyuk mentioning that the other had already gone to sleep. So instead Jacob crept beneath his sheets and yawned. He would talk to Changkyun tomorrow and hopefully get the other tell him what was wrong. Or at the very least, let the other know that he was there if he needed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose to make this a shorter chapter focused on Jacob rather than switching POVs. The next one will be back to Changkyun's POV and it'll hopefully be a lot longer^^ 
> 
> Thanks for reading and leaving kudos and commenting!:)


	7. Chapter 7

It took Changkyun a while to figure out why he woken up fully clothed, and when the memories of the day before finally caught up with him he closed his eyes again and wished he never had to leave his bed again. Unfortunately, that’s not how life as an idol worked and he soon heard Kihyun’s voice in the room next to his and Minhyuk’s. The older would probably come to wake them up within seconds and he decided to not give him a hard time. He sat up and slowly swung his legs over the edge of the bed, back hunched and eyes staring blankly at the floor. He heard Minhyuk stirring and then their door flew open and Kihyun barged in, wearing an apron, with a spatula at the ready. 

“Rise and shi-” he stopped and looked at Changkyun with wide eyes. The younger couldn’t blame him for being surprised, Changkyun was usually among the last members to wake up (although he’d never managed to beat Hyungwon). 

“I’m awake”, he stated and left the room before Kihyun could say anything. He heard a terrified screech from Minhyuk a second later and would have laughed if he wasn’t still trying to process the events of yesterday. 

“Morning”, Hyunwoo greeted him with a smile when he entered the kitchen and Changkyun sat down next to the leader. 

Hyunwoo filled up Changkyun’s plate for him and the maknae muttered a barely audible “thanks” before starting to eat. He was normally quiet in the morning so he knew Hyunwoo wouldn’t take it personally. Jooheon and Hoseok was also sat around the table and both of them were focused on their breakfast, Changkyun was grateful for the silence. 

Minhyuk and Kihyun soon joined them, Hyungwon entering a few minutes later, looking more dead than alive. Hoseok pulled out a chair for his boyfriend and Hyungwon sat down next to him, leaning on him and looking like he was going back to sleep.

Minhyuk sat down on Changkyun’s other side and gave him a smile, which Changkyun wanted to return but he couldn’t help but be annoyed with the other. He knew it hadn’t been Minhyuk’s fault but thanks to him Junseo had found out about Jacob and Changkyun couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

“You okay?” Minhyuk asked low enough for only Changkyun to hear.

“Just tired”, Changkyun answered shortly and swallowed his last bite before standing up. He left his dishes in the sink before heading back to his room. Before he could decide what to do next, his phone started ringing and Jacob’s name popped up on the screen. Changkyun wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to anyone at that moment but he also couldn’t just ignore the younger’s call. 

“Hi Jacob”, he answered and slid down along the door into a sitting position. 

Jacob seemed like his usual self at first and Changkyun guessed that he just wanted to talk for a bit, despite the early hour. But then Jacob’s tone changed and he suddenly asked if Changkyun was feeling alright or if there was anything bothering him. 

“I’m fine, why?” 

He frowned when Jacob said that he was “just wondering”, something about it seemed off, especially when the other abruptly changed the subject. But Changkyun let it slide and they chatted for a bit before Jacob announced that he had to leave for practice and Changkyun was about to say goodbye when Jacob told him that he was there for him if he ever needed to talk about something. 

“Okay, what’s going on?” Changkyun wondered why Jacob seemed so worried about him when he had given him no reason to be.

“Well, it’s just that Minhyuk mentioned…” Changkyun zoned out and unconsciously clenched his empty hand when he heard the other’s name. Of course Minhyuk would not only reveal Jacob’s name to Junseo but also get Jacob even more involved and concerned about Changkyun. Deep down, there was a single rational thought that reminded him that Minhyuk didn’t even know who Junseo was and only talked to Jacob because he cared for Changkyun. But that thought was quickly drowned out by an overwhelming sense of the walls closing in on Changkyun. 

“Everything’s alright, really”, he cut off Jacob in the middle of a sentence but he had to make sure the other stayed out of everything regarding Junseo. “There’s nothing to be worried about.”

“It didn’t seem like nothing when Minhyuk-”

“Well obviously Minhyuk don’t know that much about anything”, Changkyun all but shouted and effectively silenced Jacob. “Like you.” 

He wanted to take back his words as soon as he spoke them. After all, it wasn’t really Jacob he was angry at, it wasn’t even Minhyuk. He was upset with himself for not being able to keep his own emotions in check and for being so weak in front of Junseo. 

“Okay, well, bye.” 

Changkyun didn’t have time to even make a sound before Jacob hung up. He slammed his fist against the floor and threw the phone across the room in frustration. It hit the wall with a satisfying crack and Changkyun assumed it broke. That seemed to be what he did best after all, break things. 

There was a knock on the door and everything in Changkyun screamed at him to keep the door closed but he didn’t have any say in the matter as the door opened and he was barely able to stay upright as he had leant on it. 

“I heard shouting”, Minhyuk said hesitantly and Changkyun stood up, facing him. 

“I guess it’s another thing to worry about then, since I’m screaming there must be something terribly wrong and you should probably talk to everyone I know about it.” If felt like there was a raging monster within Changkyun that wanted him to be angry at everything and everyone.

“What?” Minhyuk looked utterly confused and almost a bit frightened at Changkyun’s unexpected anger. 

“Isn’t that kind of your thing? Running your mouth despite not knowing anything? You just can’t stay out of-”

_SMACK._

Changkyun’s head turned slightly to the side from the force of the slap and when he looked back towards Minhyuk he noticed Kihyun next to him. The short male still held his hand in the air and Changkyun felt his eyes automatically tear up, both from pain and shock. 

“Stop it”, Kihyun said calmly and Changkyun could tell the other was really mad but held back. He looked at Minhyuk and when he saw his terrified expression he felt ashamed of himself. _I did that._ The anger had dissipated from Changkyun and all that remained was deep regret. He didn’t blame Kihyun for hitting him, he deserved it. Not only for screaming at the innocent Minhyuk, but for hurting Jacob and, going back further in time, practically forcing himself on Junseo. 

The more he thought about it, the clearer it became. Changkyun was just not a good person, which was not the conclusion he would have liked to reach but here it was. And it really hurt, it felt like his heart was literally breaking and Changkyun couldn’t stand it anymore. He vaguely registered Kihyun talking before he forced his way out of the room and ran towards the door that would take him away from all of this. 

He heard the others following him and knew he didn’t have time to stop, so he left his shoes and jacket behind as he exited the apartment and kept running until he had gotten a couple of blocks away from the dorm. 

He looked down at his dirtied socks when he paused to catch his breath and was glad that the streets were almost empty due to the early hour. He had forgotten his mask so he pulled his hood over his head and kept on walking. Luckily it was summer, so he wasn’t freezing to death in the thin hoodie and sweatpants that he was still wearing since the previous night. When he reached a small park-like area he sat down on the closest bench and put his head in his hands. 

_What do I do now?_

He couldn’t just go back to the dorm, the others would probably be really mad and want to know what the hell was wrong with him. And Changkyun didn’t know what to answer, he couldn’t think of anything that would excuse his behaviour. Well, he could think of one thing, the truth. But even now, he didn’t want to tell them about Junseo, mostly because he had begun thinking that maybe he himself wasn’t so innocent either. It had kind of made sense for Junseo to act like he had, Changkyun was the one who had overstepped the boundaries of their friendship in the past. Perhaps Junseo wasn’t the bad guy in this story, or at least not the only one. 

Changkyun felt sick to his stomach and surprised himself with a sniffle. Since when had he started crying? He couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it so he just let the tears fall and figured they would stop soon enough.

“Changkyun”, a voice wheezed and he looked up at his leader. 

Hyunwoo sat down next to him and brought him in for a tight hug. Changkyun was too stunned by his sudden appearance to actually return the gesture, so he just sat there with his arms hanging limply by his side. 

“We’ve been looking all over for you”, Hyunwoo said when he at last pulled back. 

“Sorry hyung”, Changkyun answered in a small voice. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Do what? All I know is that there was shouting and then you ran out and Minhyuk told us to help him find you.”

Changkyun felt ashamed, leave it to Minhyuk to be the bigger man and care about Changkyun when the younger had done nothing to deserve it.

“I yelled at Minhyuk, and it was wrong and I shouldn’t have and I-”

“Hey, hey, calm down”, Hyunwoo patted his cheek carefully. “I’m sure you’ll be able to talk it out with him, now what’s with the red cheek?”

“Oh, nothing”, Changkyun evaded the leader’s gaze, he didn’t want to tell on Kihyun. Besides, he knew he had earned the slap. Hyunwoo sighed but lowered his hand.

“Listen, we’re all worried about you and this stunt didn’t really help. Would you please tell us what’s wrong and let us help you?”

“Hyunwoo”, Changkyun said with all the sincerity he could muster. “Believe me when I say that I want to, but I can’t.”

“And why is that?” Changkyun decided to voice his concerns without going into specifics.

“I’m afraid of what you will think and that you will blame me for something that happened a long time ago. I’m terrified of getting you involved in something that’s been caused by me and dragging you down with me.” Changkyun took a deep breath and looked directly at Hyunwoo. “And I’m scared that you will distance yourself from me, that you will leave me behind.”

Hyunwoo seemed speechless and Changkyun could see him trying to think of something to say.

“Changkyun”, he began. “I promise you that all of us would listen to whatever it is and unless you’ve killed someone or kicked puppies or something, I promise we’ll be by your side.”

“It’s nothing like that, but I haven’t been completely honest with you.” 

Hyunwoo didn’t say anything and just waited for Changkyun to continue at his own pace, which he appreciated. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt and then told Hyunwoo about what had really happened between him and Junseo when they had their falling out. The older listened and nodded silently. 

“So?” He asked when Changkyun seemed done. 

“What do you mean ‘so’?” 

“So what’s the big deal, you misunderstood him and he reacted immaturely and then treated you like an ass? What you did does not excuse his behaviour.”

“But he-, I mean we-, I shouldn’t have-” Changkyun tried to sort out his thoughts, not having expected Hyunwoo to immediately declare Junseo the villain. No, Changkyun would have thought the other would be more uncomfortable hearing the truth.

“Changkyun-ah, you did nothing wrong, you were just a kid with an unfortunate crush on a douchebag who felt too insecure in himself to act like a decent human being.”

“When did you have time to get a psychology degree?” Changkyun mumbled and looked away to discreetly wipe at his eyes. 

Hyunwoo laughed and once again pulled Changkyun close, rubbing his back with his warm hands. 

“You ready to go back?” He asked after a while and Changkyun nodded against his shoulder. 

When they started walking Hyunwoo asked why Changkyun had been upset about Junseo now, when it had happened a long time ago. Changkyun hesitated and decided not to tell the older about the return of the bully. Instead, he claimed that he had come across him on Instagram by accident and it had brought back the bad memories, which had made him upset and angry, making him lash out on the wrong people. Hyunwoo told him he understood and that the other members would too. 

Changkyun listened as Hyunwoo called the others to let them know that they were on their way back to the dorm, safe and sound. When he hung up, Hyunwoo noticed Changkyun frowning and he wrapped an arm around the younger’s shoulders.

“Don’t worry, they will be on your side, no one will think any less of you for what happened with your old friend.” 

Changkyun wasn’t sure he believed that but as they climbed the stairs leading up to the dorm, he realized that he no longer had any choice but to tell them. But he wouldn’t mention that Junseo was back in his life, that was something that he would need to take care of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back with Changkyun's POV, and a longer chapter. I don't know if the ending seems fitting, cause I was going to continue but decided that it was getting a bit too long so I just stopped there. The next chapter will probably be out relatively soon^^
> 
> Thanks for reading and I appreciate the kudos and comments!


	8. Chapter 8

Hyunwoo gave Changkyun a minute to mentally prepare himself for, what the younger assumed, would be an onslaught of angry yelling and demanding questions. Then he opened the door to the dorm and they walked in. They heard murmuring coming from the living room and Hyunwoo lead the way, Changkyun practically glued to the leader’s back. 

“We’re back”, Hyunwoo announced to the room when they turned the corner and the rest of the members came into sight. 

Minhyuk was the first one to react and he jumped to his feet and rushed to Changkyun’s side. The younger cowered but Minhyuk just gave him a tight hug and, to Changkyun’s great surprise, apologized. 

“I’m sorry for talking to Jacob behind your back and you were absolutely right, I had no right to go shooting my mouth off like that.”

Changkyun patted his back to signal that he wasn’t getting any air and Minhyuk released him. 

“I know you only did it because you care”, he answered and took Minhyuk’s hand in his. “And I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It was just all too much and I took it out on the wrong person.”

A hand came up to gingerly touch his cheek and he looked to the side at Kihyun, who inspected his face with a regretful expression. 

“I’m really sorry”, he whispered. “I should never have raised my hand against you.”

“You did what now?” Hoseok came over and had evidently heard what Kihyun said. 

It took about half an hour before they had all calmed down enough to stop yelling, although Hoseok had placed himself between Changkyun and Kihyun to “protect the maknae from further abuse”. 

“Alright, so it happened in the heat of the moment but Changkyun is perfectly fine and Kihyun’s very sorry about it and promises it won’t happen again”, Hyunwoo summarized. Kihyun lowered his head and nodded, Minhyuk holding a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“And if it does-” Hoseok began.

“And if it does happen again, Hoseok has the exclusive right to ‘obliterate whoever dares lay a finger on his sweet innocent child”, Hyunwoo finished, looking like a kindergarten teacher doing overtime. 

Hyungwon and Jooheon exchanged amused looks and Changkyun rolled his eyes. He’d already forgiven Kihyun and still thought he had kind of had it coming so he was more than ready to move on. Or at least until he realized what was supposed to come next. The great explanation that would make everything okay again. Hyunwoo gave him an encouraging smile and he cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention on him.

“So, I guess I should tell you why I was upset in the first place, and why I have been acting a bit strange.” Changkyun then told them the same thing he’d told Hyunwoo, the full story about his falling out with Junseo and how he’d been reminded of it when he’d seen his former best friend on social media. 

The others reacted like Hyunwoo had told him, nobody got mad or disgusted and they all immediately told Changkyun that he shouldn’t feel bad for what happened. When he asked them if they weren’t put off by the fact that he’d had a crush on a friend they all burst out laughing and Changkyun got annoyed.

“What’s so funny, is it a yes or a no?” 

Hyungwon took pity on him and collected himself. 

“Changkyun please, how is that any different from they way me and Hoseok got together? Or Kihyun and Hyunwoo?” 

“Oh…” Changkyun hadn’t thought about it like that.

“Honestly”, Kihyun said and reached over Minhyuk to take Hyunwoo’s hand in his. “I had a crush on my friend even when I thought he was straight, which sounds very much like your situation.” 

Changkyun looked at their intertwined hands and instead of the usual pang of jealousy, he felt happy for them. He caught himself smiling widely and willed himself to look away, only to meet Minhyuk’s eyes. The older raised a brow at Changkyun’s sudden expression of joy and he slightly shook his head, trying to signal that he would explain later. 

“I guess you’re right, both of you.” Hyungwon and Kihyun nodded and puffed out their chests like they had bestowed the greatest of wisdom upon him. 

“Sorry to change the subject, but something’s been bothering me”, Jooheon spoke up with a frown and they all turned to him. “Why are your socks so dirty?”

~~~

Changkyun was too afraid to apologize to Jacob, he hadn’t talked to the other for three days. It was the longest they had gone without speaking since they’d met and Changkyun knew he should be the one to reach out first since he was the one who messed everything up. 

He started writing a message, but like all times before, deleted it before sending. He sighed and put away his phone. Hyunwoo and Jooheon, who were walking beside him in the company corridor, shot him knowing looks and Hyunwoo ruffled his hair. Changkyun had confessed that he had said some hurtful things to Jacob and the others had tried to tell him that everything would be alright.

“I’m sure that whatever you’ll eventually write will be good enough for Jacob”, Jooheon offered and Changkyun gave him a grateful smile. “Just put a ‘sorry’ somewhere in there and you’re good to go.”

They were on their way to rejoin the others for practice, having gone to refill their water bottles while they’d taken a short break. The general mood of the group had improved since Changkyun had told them about his troubling thoughts and he had been astonished when he’d realized just how much it had affected them all. 

“How much do you wanna bet that Jacob is glued to his phone, just waiting for a text or a call from you?” Hyunwoo teased and Changkyun shoved him lightly. 

“I imagine him sitting on his hands to keep himself from reaching out to you first, too proud to give in”, Jooheon grinned. “I know that’s what I would do.”

The two went back and forth, making up increasingly more ridiculous scenarios involving Jacob and how he was hoping for Changkyun to contact him. He would never admit it out loud, but Changkyun hoped they were right when they thought that Jacob really wanted to talk to Changkyun again. 

He laughed at something Jooheon said when he saw Junseo turn the corner in front of them, walking their way. This was actually the first time he met the other while accompanied by his members, not counting the time Minhyuk was waiting for him outside the elevator while Junseo stood inside. He quickly looked down again and prayed that the other wouldn’t do anything, Changkyun had been trying to make peace with his past. With the help of his members he had slowly begun to rid himself of the guilt he’d felt ever since his disastrous confession. But Junseo showing up in front of him took a toll on Changkyun and really put his resolution to the test.

When they met, Junseo intentionally took a step to the side, bumping Changkyun’s shoulder with enough force to make him let out a small groan of pain. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry”, Junseo said with a small bow and then swiftly continued on his way.

“Rude”, Jooheon muttered after him. He then asked Changkyun if he was alright and the younger assured him that he’d only been surprised.

Hyunwoo looked at Changkyun and saw his expression grow gloom, he’d brought a hand up to rub at his shoulder. The older stayed silent since Changkyun already said he was okay but he turned back to look at the retreating back of the boy who had bumped into him. He’d never seen him before but something about him didn’t sit right with Hyunwoo. Maybe it was that he hadn’t seemed sincere when apologizing to Changkyun or how Hyunwoo had thought he’d seen him taking a sidestep towards the maknae, making them collide on purpose.

Hyunwoo wasn’t sure that either of those things had actually happened but he made a note to keep an eye out for the stranger in the future. Just to make sure that he didn’t cause any trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacob will (probably) return in the next chapter! I've focused on just Changkyun rather than the pairing in the last couple of chapters but I'll (probably) make it up to you from now on!^^
> 
> Thank you as always for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

“Do it, do it, do it…” All six of them chanted and Changkyun tried and failed to suppress a smile, as to not encourage them. 

“Come one, we’ve all approved of both your phrasing and general choice of words”, Hyungwon complained. 

“Now send that before I do”, Minhyuk added and something in his voice told Changkyun that he really would. 

“Okay, okay, just give me a second.”

“You’ve had like 40 minutes”, Kihyun remarked dryly.

Changkyun knew that he was out of excuses to prolong it anymore and sighed. After re-reading the message one last time, he made a show of finally hitting the send button and the room erupted in cheers. 

“Fucking finally”, Jooheon exclaimed and earned himself a deadly glare from Kihyun. 

“So, now what?” Changkyun asked, already regretting what he’d just done. 

“Now, we wai-” Minhyuk got cut off by a ‘pling’ coming from the phone in Changkyun’s hand. Everyone leaned forward in their seats and saw Jacob’s name displayed on the lock screen. 

“Oh my god”, Jooheon looked to Hyunwoo and the two of them formed matching grins. “Told you he was just waiting for you to make the first move.”

Changkyun wasn’t listening, he was staring at Jacob’s name until the screen went black. A hand entered his field of vision and unlocked the phone. 

“Don’t keep him waiting any longer”, Kihyun advised him and Changkyun nodded before opening the conversation. The other members left the room, Minhyuk had to be dragged out by Hoseok (“I wanna know what happens!”) 

Jacob had written a simple **‘it’s cool’** in response to Changkyun’s essay-length apology. But just as Changkyun was about to call the other and ask for a proper answer, Jacob sent another message. 

**‘I know you didn’t need me meddling and I’m sorry for acting so pushy. It’s just that I care about you.’**

**‘Please, you really don’t need to apologize. I know you were just worrying and I was angry at myself at the time so it was just really bad timing.‘**

Changkyun then went on to tell Jacob about Junseo and he hesitated before mentioning that he’d run into the other at the company a few times. He asked Jacob not to tell Minhyuk or anyone else in the group since he didn’t want them to do anything rash. 

**‘So why did you tell me?’**

Changkyun thought about it for a second. 

**‘I figured I owed you for going awol. Besides, I know I can trust you with anything.’**

It took a couple of minutes for Jacob to respond.

**‘Stop it, you’re making me blush.’**

Changkyun wondered if that was really the case and felt a bit smug about it. 

**‘I’m only being honest here, you’re my best friend.’**

Again, it took a while before Jacob’s answer came and Changkyun got worried that he’d been a little bit too honest, maybe Jacob didn’t feel the same. 

Eventually, Jacob sent back a short message asking if they could meet up the coming weekend for a coffee or something. Although the request wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, Changkyun got a feeling that Jacob had something in particular to talk about. And he worried that it would be something bad.  


~~~  


“Time to pay up”, Junseo sneered and Changkyun immediately regretted following him into the vacant studio. He’d been walking around on his own to kill some time before heading to see Jacob when Junseo had crossed his way and told him he wanted to talk to him.

“You sound like the villain from every low budget action movie ever, just so you know.”

Changkyun had come a long way from when he’d first reunited with Junseo and he was just done with it all. He’d decided that if Junseo wanted to waste his life away being hung up on the past, then that was his business. Meanwhile, Changkyun would move on. 

“I’m sure you remember that you owe me a favor”, Junseo ignored Changkyun’s remark. “I want you to convince Jooheon to do a collaboration with me, like a kind of duet.” 

Changkyun stared at him in disbelief. 

“Wow, that’s actually insane. You don’t even know him.” 

“I know the size of his fanbase, even after that unfortunate aegyo-affair.” Junseo shrugged and stretched out his hand towards Changkyun. “I assume we have a deal?” 

Changkyun slapped his hand away and took a step back while Junseo did a poor job of hiding his annoyance. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes, I’ll do it’, or else I might slip up and share your past with your members.” 

“Go ahead, tell them”, Changkyun challenged. “Just don’t be too disappointed when they’re not surprised. Since I already told them and all.” 

Junseo looked stunned for a moment, before he suddenly took a step towards Changkyun and swiftly punched him in the stomach. Changkyun didn’t have time to react and hunched over in pain, holding his arms protectively around himself. He felt Junseo’s hands on him and then crashed to the floor from the force of the push. A groan escaped him, which turned into a yell when Junseo’s shoe clad foot hit his side hard - one, two, three times in a row. Changkyun lay whimpering as Junseo backed away from him, breathing heavily. 

“We’re not done with each other”, was all he said before leaving. 

“Typical villain”, Changkyun whispered after him. 

After a few minutes of silence, Changkyun guessed Junseo wasn’t about to come back and continue his assault. He dragged himself up into a sitting position and leaned against the wall, his breath slightly labored. He slowly pulled his shirt up and spotted a few new red marks on the left side of his torso, it hurt when he touched them and he bit his lower lip. 

A sound rang through the room and Changkyun pulled out his phone from his pocket, answering the call while trying to keep still as to not sound in pain. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, it’s me, where are you?” 

_Jacob._

“Oh, I’m on my way, ran a little late but I should be there in a few.” Changkyun had no idea how he would manage the walk to the café a few blocks away without alarming someone but he at least had to try. 

“Oh, alright, that’s okay”, Jacob was always too quick to forgive. “I’ll just grab a table and wait for you, no rush.” 

After they had hung up, Changkyun slowly got to his feet, wheezing by the time he finally stood upright. He staggered towards the door and forced himself to plaster a smile to his face before leaving the room. He tried to think of a good excuse for his less than optimal condition, something that Jacob would believe and that wouldn’t make him ask any follow up questions. 

Changkyun had no idea what to tell him.  
  


Somehow, Changkyun managed to get himself to the café, walking hadn’t been easy but the painful throbbing in his side had thankfully dulled a bit and he was able to greet Jacob with a genuine smile. Still, he couldn’t hold back a small grunt as he sat down and Jacob immediately noticed. 

“What’s wrong?” He frowned and looked Changkyun over.  
  
“Nothing, I just fell down on my way here and must have banged my ribs on something. Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious and I’m sure it’ll only leave a small bruise.” 

Jacob didn’t look as calm as Changkyun would have liked but he didn’t ask any questions, and that was a win in Changkyun’s book. 

“I’ll get us something to drink, what do you want?” Changkyun wanted to tell Jacob that he could buy the drinks since he was older but he knew the younger would refuse, especially since he was injured. 

“Some iced tea would be nice.” 

Jacob walked off towards the counter and Changkyun relaxed in his seat, allowing the pain to show on his face for a brief moment before masking it once again when Jacob returned. They talked about their day for a while until their drinks were served by a waitress who, according to Jacob, flirted with Changkyun. 

“You’re imagining things”, Changkyun laughed before taking a sip of his ice tea. 

“Am not, she winked at you, how is that not flirting?” Jacob seemed a bit agitated and Changkyun didn’t dare speculate as to why. 

“Well, it doesn’t matter, it’s not like I would be interested anyway.” He shot Jacob a smile and the younger shook his head but Changkyun knew he’d calmed down. 

Since it was the first time they’d seen each other since their argument, Changkyun had expected it to be a bit awkward but Jacob hadn’t brought it up, instead he went on about his members’ antics and how he had begun re-evaluating his decision to join a group with 11 other guys. 

Changkyun laughed until he reflexively clutched at his stomach and accidentally brushed against his left side. He managed to stifle a whine but Jacob’s knitted brows showed that he’d noticed. 

“It’s alright, no big deal”, he assured the other and then remembered something. “By the way, what was it that you wanted to talk about today?”

Jacob looked taken aback and Changkyun wondered if he’d only imagined the feeling he’d gotten when they’d texted earlier. Maybe Jacob really just wanted to meet up like normal and talk about the general stuff. But then he met the eyes of the younger and there was a determination there that Changkyun didn’t know what to make of. 

“You’re right, I did have something special to talk about.” Jacob held his cup of coffee in a tight grip and looked down on his face reflected in the dark liquid. Changkyun waited patiently for him to continue despite wanting to tell him to just say it already, his nerves almost getting the best of him. 

“Remember that you told me you thought of us as best friends”, Jacob began and Changkyun nodded reluctantly. “Well, I don’t want that.” 

Changkyun should have seen it coming, he had been way too straightforward with the other, calling him best friend when they hadn’t even known each other for that long. He understood how Jacob felt, probably pressured to just go along with what someone older than him told him, his senior in the world of idols. Changkyun admired Jacob for being brave enough to stand up to him and tell him what he wanted for himself, he wasn’t sure he would have had the guts if the roles had been reversed. 

“I understand”, he said, breaking the silence. “Sorry, for coming on so strong and getting ahead of myself.” Before Changkyun could excuse himself and hurry home to lock himself in his room and mope, Jacob leaned forward and grabbed his hands. 

“I didn’t mean it like that”, he said hurriedly. and Changkyun looked up at him in confusion. “I said I don’t want to be your best friend, because I want to be more than that.” 

It took Changkyun a second to understand what Jacob meant and another one to figure out how to respond. 

“Really?” _Eloquently put, brain, real smooth._

“Yeah, I want to spend as much time with you as possible”, Jacob confessed, suddenly shy. “I want to go on walks and eat ice cream and share the struggles of learning difficult routines. I want to call you even if it’s way too early or late and I want to hold hands. I-” Jacob faltered and Changkyun squeezed his hands encouragingly. “I just want to be with you.” 

Changkyun had originally walked into the café with the humble hope of leaving as Jacob’s friend. However, Jacob’s confession had changed everything and the picture he painted was one Changkyun hadn’t allowed himself to ever imagine, with anyone. But he now found himself longing for that, he wanted all of those things. And he wanted them with Jacob. 

“I like you.” Changkyun could tell he’d caught Jacob off guard, the younger’s hands quivered in his hold and his eyes were wide open. He understood Jacob’s reaction, he’d surprised himself as well. But as soon as he’d spoken the words, he knew he meant them. He really liked Jacob. 

“Like a best friend?” 

“Like something more.” 

Jacob sighed in relief and gave Changkyun a shy smile. “I like you too.” 

Then, as if on cue, Jacob’s phone rang and they both jumped, having momentarily forgotten that there were other people in the world outside of their little private sphere. Jacob shot him an apologizing smile as he removed his hands from Changkyun’s and answered the call. Changkyun missed the warmth immediately but entertained himself with blatantly staring at Jacob’s face instead. 

Changkyun wanted nothing more than to fling himself across the table and give Jacob a hug, but they were in public and even though they were sitting in a corner where it was unlikely that anyone would pay attention to them, Changkyun still didn’t want to test his luck. Especially not when he’d probably just used up an entire year’s worth of the stuff. Also, when he straightened, a pain in his side reminded him of what had happened just a few hours earlier. Jacob was busy talking to whoever had called so he didn’t notice Changkyun’s grimace. 

“I’m really sorry but I have to go”, he said when he’d hung up. 

“I get it, life of an idol, huh?” Changkyun would have liked to spend more time with Jacob, he wanted to talk about how they were going to deal with this new development in their relationship. But he understood, their lifestyle was a busy one and they were pretty much always on call. 

“Life of an idol”, Jacob confirmed and stood up. “Talk to you later?”

“Definitely”, Changkyun promised and grinned. Jacob bent down as he passed him and quickly looked around before he gave him a small peck on the cheek. The younger blushed furiously as he scurried off, leaving Changkyun in a state of delighted shock. 

Changkyun pinched himself in the arm as to assure himself that the entire meeting hadn’t been a dream and as he walked back home he was too busy thinking of Jacob to care about the pain that made itself known with every step he took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, finally managed to finish this chapter after changing it way too many times. I think there's only gonna be around two or three more chapters until this particular story is finished and then I'll move on to some other member ^^
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!


	10. Chapter 10

Returning to the dorm had turned out to be quite exhausting once Changkyun started paying attention to how his body was actually feeling.There were constant spikes of pain in his side whenever he took a too long step forward and he couldn’t move too fast. It took him a good while to get home and once he opened the door to the dorm he was ready to head to bed and not move for the rest of the day. 

“Ouch”, he whined loudly when another body slammed into his. Changkyun’s eyes teared up in response to the sudden increase in pain and he leaned on the wall, clutching his stomach.

“Sorry, I’m in a rush, tell me everything later”, he heard Jooheon say before the other rapper hastily put on his shoes and ran outside, barely looking at Changkyun. 

Changkyun took a moment to stop wheezing and then stepped towards the kitchen, thinking that he should bring a glass of water to his room, where he kept some painkillers. Of course, someone was already in there and he sighed. Kihyun turned away from the stove at the sound and gave him a big smile. 

“Hey there, how was the date?”

Changkyun blushed when he thought back on what both he and Jacob had said, and that seemed to be enough of an answer for Kihyun. The older laughed and flipped something over in a frying pan.

“I’m guessing it went well.” Changkyun just nodded in response and took a glass from the cupboard that he proceeded to fill with water. 

“It was a good talk”, was his only comment since he wanted to keep what had happened to himself for just a while, at least until he would have fully processed what it all meant. 

“I’m glad”, Kihyun smiled at him. “Do you want some pancakes?” 

“Tempting, but I was just gonna head to bed.”

“It’s four in the afternoon”, Kihyun pointed out with a frown. “Feeling okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just a bit tired”, Changkyun shrugged as he moved towards his room. “I was too nervous to sleep yesterday.” It was the truth, he had been keeping himself awake far too late, imagining all kinds of catastrophic scenarios for what could happen when he met with Jacob. It had ranged from Changkyun spilling his drink all over himself to an armed robbery taking place at the café while they were there. It hadn’t exactly helped calm his nerves but it had made him realize that he really needed to stop listening to Jooheon’s conspiracy theories.

“I get it, but I’ll wake you up in a bit so you won’t mess up your sleep cycle”, Kihyun said after him. Changkyun wanted to remind the other of the fact that they were idols and that their sleep cycles were already all over the place, but he really wanted to get to his bed as soon as possible. 

He lay down carefully after having taken some tylenol with the water and managed to find a position that didn’t hurt too bad. He closed his eyes, replaying the events of the day in his mind. He hadn’t expected Junseo to get physical with him, annoyed - sure, but not violent. He supposed he shouldn’t have been teasing him but Changkyun had wanted to show the other that he wasn’t afraid of him and his threats anymore. He figured Junseo wouldn’t give up on his revenge-act that easily though, and he didn’t want to think about what was coming next. 

Then his thoughts drifted to Jacob. _Sweet, perfect Jacob._ He had also behaved unexpectedly and Changkyun couldn’t stop himself from grinning when he thought of the other’s confession. He admired Jacob’s courage and hoped that they would be able to meet soon again. He wanted to call him but knew he was probably still busy with whatever he’d left to do. Instead, he opted to send Jacob a text, asking him to call him later that night if he had the time. He wanted them to continue their earlier conversation and figure everything out, Changkyun wanted to confirm that they were on the same page. 

Changkyun yawned and shifted into a slightly more comfortable position before closing his eyes and attempting to empty his mind. 

A knock on the door woke Changkyun with a start, he hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep. 

“Yeah”, he mumbled and rubbed his eyes. 

“So…?” 

Changkyun groaned when he recognized Minhyuk’s voice as the other sat down next to him on the bed. 

“So what?” 

“How did it go?” 

Changkyun snorted at the other’s obvious impatience. He knew Minhyuk wouldn’t settle for a simple “good” so he slowly sat up, trying not to wince, and looked at the older.

“It was nice, we talked and although I’m not a hundred percent sure, I think we might be dating.” Although Changkyun had wanted to keep everything to himself, a large part of him also wanted the whole world to know what had happened. 

Minhyuk honest to God squealed when he heard that and pumped his fists in the air victoriously. He went on and on about how he knew it would happen and how cute Changkyun and Jacob were together and so on. Changkyun couldn’t really blame him, he would probably have reacted similarly if Minhyuk told him that he was dating someone. So he just shook his head and then tried to pay attention to Minhyuk’s ranting. 

“Have you told the others?” 

Changkyun knitted his eyebrows and tilted his head.

“About you two”, Minhyuk clarified. 

“Oh, honestly I’ve barely even understood it myself yet. And we didn’t exactly put a label on whatever it is we are. I’ve only met Kihyun since getting back and I kinda just told him that it went well.”

Minhyuk hummed and regarded Changkyun with a calculating gaze, making the younger squirm uncomfortably. 

“What?”

“Speaking of Kihyun, how are things between you too now?”

Changkyun knew what Minhyuk was really asking. 

“I think it’s safe to say, I’m over him. I have been for a while but it didn’t hit me until recently.”

“I’m glad it all worked out”, Minhyuk said and laid down. “You should take a shower before dinner, bathroom's free right now. And heed my warning, the others will probably ask about the date.”

Contrary to Minhyuk’s belief however, no one would talk about the date at dinner that night.

~~~

Changkyun stepped out of the shower and tentatively put some cooling pain relief cream on his bruises, they always kept some at the house in case of injuries during practice. He hissed when he hit a particularly sore spot but powered through, he knew it would help in the long run. He turned around in front of the mirror to see if he missed any spots and when he was sure he’d covered all of it, he put on his underwear and pants before drying his hair. 

The door opened quietly and Changkyun cursed under his breath when he realized that he’d forgotten to lock it. Well, at least he’d managed to get semi-dressed this time, last time he hadn’t been so lucky and Hyungwon would still bring it up sometimes. 

He turned off the hair dryer and looked to the door to tell whoever it was that he would be finished in just a minute. But he was met with Jooheon’s horror struck face and Changkyun followed his line of sight to his own body and wanted to hit himself for not covering his upper body first. 

“What happened?” Jooheon asked as he took another step into the bathroom. Changkyun tried frantically to think of a plausible excuse but his mind was blank. 

“It’s nothing to worry about”, he told Jooheon and turned his back towards the other to slip on his sweater. 

“Don’t give me that”, Jooheon spat and Changkyun was surprised when he noticed his anger. “You’re obviously hurt, we should call manager-hyung or at least let Hoseok take a look.” 

Jooheon walked away before giving Changkyun the chance to protest and the younger sighed as he sat down on the toilet lid. He knew Hoseok would ask and demand the truth, which Changkyun didn’t want to give him. But he realized that he wouldn’t be able to come up with something believable enough to appease their mother hen. Changkyun sighed and left the room in pursuit of Jooheon, he might be able to convince the other not to tell Hoseok after all. 

He’d barely taken a step into the hallway when someone put a hand on his shoulder and gently spun him around. Changkyun met Hoseok’s dark eyes and knew the game was up. Without a word, the older pulled him back into the bathroom and locked the door behind them. He grabbed at the hem of Changkyun’s shirt and when the younger nodded his consent, he slowly pulled it up and the bruises on Changkyun’s body was once again exposed. Hoseok let out a horrified gasp and lightly touched one of the marks, making Changkyun jerk slightly. 

“Sorry”, Hoseok mumbled as he pulled the shirt over Changkyun’s head and started rummaging through the bathroom cabinets.

Hoseok stayed silent as he treated Changkyun’s wounds with some more pain reliever and wrapped an elastic bandage around his body. Changkyun didn’t dare say anything either and the only sound came from the other side of the door, it sounded like the rest were gathering for dinner. 

“I want you to tell us how you got those injuries, and I’d appreciate it if you were honest.”

Changkyun then followed Hoseok into the kitchen where they took their seats around the table. Jooheon sent him a worried glance and Minhyuk seemed to catch on that something was wrong. No one said anything until they had all gotten rid of the worst hunger but then Hoseok cleared his throat and told them about what he’d seen on Changkyun’s body. There was nowhere to hide from their stares when Changkyun looked around the room and he pushed his plate away from him. 

“I assume you wouldn’t believe me if I said that I fell?”

“You assume right”, Hoseok said, crossing his arms. 

“Can you at least promise me something before I tell you?” Changkyun pleaded.

“That depends on the promise”, Hyunwoo said and Changkyun met his eyes.

“I don’t want you to do anything about it, I am perfectly capable of handling it myself and I don’t want anyone to get into trouble on my behalf.”

It became silent as the others tried to read between the lines and Kihyun seemed to get it first, seeing as how he gripped his fork tightly and glared at Changkyun.

“Who was it?” All eyes turned to Kihyun and one after the other they connected the dots.

“Junseo”, Changkyun answered. He knew that they wouldn’t know his face or where Changkyun might have met him so he could at least tell them that much.

As expected, the room erupted into a heated discussion of what they could do to make Junseo regret being born and how to protect Changkyun in the future. 

“Like I said, I don’t want you to get involved, I will take care of it.” 

“And what should we do if you come home injured again, or maybe don’t come home at all?” Hyungwon’s voice trembled towards the end of the sentence and Changkyun felt bad for worrying him. He reached over and squeezed his hand, trying to provide some comfort and show that he was alright.

“It won’t come to that”, he promised. 

“You should report his ass”, Jooheon grumbled and Kihyun nodded in agreement.

“He can’t get away with this.”

Minhyuk had been suspiciously quiet and Changkyun nudged his shoulder to see if he was okay. The other just shook his head and left the table, halting all conversation. Changkyun stood up to follow him but Hoseok grabbed hold of his hand. 

“Just give him some time”, he suggested. “You know he likes to worry.”

Changkyun did know that, but he also knew that Minhyuk was fiercely protective of them all and had a thing for revenge. He didn’t want him to do something he would regret but then again, at least there was no way Minhyuk would be able to find Junseo on his own. 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters to go (I think). Then again, I had originally planned to only write about three chapters in total before the story completely got away from me. But I'll aim for only two more chapters, and maybe a little epilogue to wrap everything up nicely with a bow ^^
> 
> Thank you for reading and I appreciate you all!


	11. Chapter 11

Minhyuk knew he shouldn’t, he’d already messed up once and he wasn’t sure Changkyun would be as willing to forgive him a second time. But honestly, at this point he had no other choice. 

He’d gotten Jacob’s number last time they talked so this time he didn’t need to go through Sunwoo. 

“Hey Minhyuk, what’s up?” 

“Hi Jacob, nothing much. I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Okay, shoot.”

Minhyuk decided that a direct approach would save him time and effort so he told Jacob what had happened to Changkyun before their date. He didn’t tell him the exact extent of Changkyun’s injuries but the younger seemed to understand that it was pretty bad. 

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Minhyuk assumed Jacob was talking to himself but he decided to answer anyway.

“He didn’t want you to worry or get involved, he wouldn’t have told us either if Jooheon hadn’t walked in on him in the bathroom.”

There was a few moments of silence from Jacob and Minhyuk smirked despite the serious subject. 

“Are you imagining Changhyuk nak-”

“So are you going to talk to the company?” Jacob cut Minhyuk off before he could continue.

“Well, we’re definitely talking to the manager, but I don’t really know how we can get to Junseo.”

“Well, just talk to some higher ups at Starship?” Jacob made it seem like it was obvious but Minhyuk wasn’t sure why. 

“We could try that, but I don’t know how they could actually help.”

“They could kick him out of the company, for a start.” 

“Who? Changkyun? And what good would that do?” Minhyuk started to seriously question Jacob’s sanity at this point.

“What, no”, Jacob sounded like he felt the same about Minhyuk. “Kick Junseo out, of course. I know you should probably press charges too but it sounds like you need to get him away from Changkyun as soon as possible.”

Minhyuk blanked out, not understanding what Jacob was talking about. 

“What?” 

“Kick. Junseo. Out. Of. Starship.” Jacob punctuated each word and realization slowly dawned on Minhyuk.

“Junseo is a trainee at Starship?” He asked with gritted teeth.

“Y-yeah”, Jacob sounded a bit unsure. “You didn’t know that?” 

Minhyuk took a couple of breaths to calm down the fury rising within him and then asked Jacob if there was anything else Changkyun had told him that he’d kept from his members. 

~~~

“Feeling better?” Changkyun asked him as Minhyuk settled down on the couch next to him. The others were spread around the living room, talking or playing mobile games. They had the tv on but it mostly functioned as background noise and when Minhyuk turned it off they all looked at him.

“First of all, I should be asking you that”, Minhyuk pointedly looked at the bandage peeking out from underneath Changkyun’s t-shirt. “And second of all, when were you gonna tell us that your piece-of-shit abuser is about to make his debut with the same company that we happen to be signed with?”

Everyone stopped what they were doing and seemed to be in various degrees of shock. 

“I don’t know how you found out but the answer is never”, Changkyun’s straightened his back and met Minhyuk’s glare calmly. “I told you I didn’t want to drag you all into this.”

“Wait, wait, wait, back it up”, Hyunwoo held up his hands as if asking for a time-out. “You’re saying Junseo, the guy who hurt you both then and now, is walking around in the same building where we spend most of our time?”

“Yep”, Changkyun answered immediately, but Minhyuk could tell his nonchalance was faked by the way his hands slightly shook in his lap. 

“How many times have you run into him?” Hyungwon asked from where he was perched on Hoseok’s lap in one of the armchairs. A gasp could be heard from Jooheon on the floor.

“Has he hurt you like this before and you didn’t tell anyone?” A tense silence spread as everyone anticipated the answer.

“What? No, this was the first time, I promise”, Changkyun tried to calm them down before they could jump to any conclusions. “He’s never gone this far before.”

“So, how far _has_ he gone?”

Changkyun looked over at Kihyun and saw the hurt in his eyes, he thought there was a bit of pity there too and Changkyun felt a pang of guilt. It was happening now, they would be going into “poor Changkyun”-mode, which meant treating him like he was made of glass. It had happened before, after he had come out to the group. For a while, everyone had been _careful_ around him. They had been watching what they said, not wanting to upset him in any way. Changkyun supposed he understood them, since he had been scared of telling them in the beginning they probably just wanted to make sure that he was comfortable around them. But really, their tiptoeing had only made Changkyun more self-aware and he had asked them to behave like normal again. 

In short, he didn’t want a repeat of that whole ordeal. 

“He’s mostly just said stuff, like how I’m disgusting and that he was going to tell you everything about what happened back then. He wanted me to do him a favor in exchange for his silence, things like that.”

Jooheon stood up from the floor and joined Changkyun on the couch, cuddling close to him. 

“You know it’s all bullshit, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard it all before. He hasn’t expanded his vocabulary much since we last met.” Changkyun smiled at Jooheon. 

“What was the favor?” Hoseok asked. 

“Oh, he, um..”, Changkyun gave Jooheon a sideways glance. “He wanted to do a collab with Jooheon and thought I would be able to set it up.”

The other rapper moved to leave the couch at that but Minhyuk was faster and managed to grab hold of him. 

“Let me go hyung, I’m going to go and personally inform that psycho of his chances at a duet”, Jooheon growled and struggled against Minhyuk’s grip. 

“Calm down hothead”, Minhyuk chastised. “We need to handle this the right way.”

“Which is?” Hyungwon inquired. 

“First step is talk to the manager”, Hyunwoo spoke up, finding his timing to step in and try to make up a plan of action. “Then he’ll talk to the company and we should be able to get Junseo kicked out.”

“What makes you think anyone will even believe me?” Changkyun muttered. 

“We’ll document your injuries and I know you’ll be more trustworthy since you’ve been at the company way longer than him and management knows you.” 

Changkyun didn’t think it would be that easy but he shrugged and figured he would let the others knock themselves out making a case against Junseo. 

~~~

The manager was called over first thing in the morning and he sided with Changkyun immediately after the others convinced Changkyun to show him his bruises and tell him the whole story. Well, almost the whole story, Changkyun said that he’d been bullied by Junseo before but he didn’t mention the exact reason. The older man was outraged that it had happened within company walls and called off all training for the day. He told them he’d take it up with his superiors and took a few photos of the injuries with Changkyun’s permission. The maknae’s energy drained out of him after the manager left and he retreated to his room where he laid down under the covers on his bed. 

Changkyun didn’t know whether to be thankful or not for the unexpected free day. On one hand, it was nice not having to move around too much since he could still feel the lingering pain from where Junseo had kicked him. On the other hand, it left him with nothing to distract him from thinking about everything that had happened. He would have liked to call Jacob but he couldn’t. He’d tried calling the night before but the other hadn’t picked up and Changkyun had assumed that he’d either been asleep or busy. He wanted to wait for Jacob to call him back instead of calling him again since he didn’t want to seem clingy. 

~~~

The members left Changkyun alone for most of the day, only checking up on him every once in awhile to make sure he was still breathing. Changkyun spent his time either sleeping or trying to sleep. He felt tired and didn’t want anyone’s company.

Okay, that was a lie.

There was one person that Changkyun did want by his side but Jacob still hadn’t called him back. Changkyun’s brain had decided that it probably meant that Jacob didn’t want to talk to him for whatever reason and he wondered if Jacob was already regretting his confession. Was it possible to break up with someone before you were even technically dating? Changkyun felt dizzy as the thoughts swirled around in his mind. Thankfully it all stopped when Minhyuk slammed open the door with such force that Changkyun was sure the doorknob would leave a dent in the wall. 

“Where’s your phone?” He asked as he ripped the covers from Changkyun, who whined at the sudden rush of cold. He gestured vaguely at his desk, where he’d put the phone when he’d become sick of waiting for his black screen to light up with a sign of life from Jacob. Minhyuk stalked over to the desk and picked up the phone, letting out an exasperated sigh. 

“Are you aware of the fact that your battery’s dead?” 

Changkyun flew out of the bed at that and walked over to Minhyuk. He took the phone from him and pressed all the buttons without a result. 

“Oh”, he said dumbly. 

“Yeah, ‘oh’ is right. A certain somebody has apparently been trying to reach you all day until he became worried enough to call me and ask if everything was alright.”

“Jacob?”

Minhyuk nodded. “Sort it out”, he plugged in Changkyun’s phone and left the room. 

It was a horrible feeling, realizing that you were the asshole who blamed the other for not responding, when in reality it was you who’d forgotten to charge your own phone because you were busy sulking. 

The phone had barely lit up when Changkyun lunged for it. Since the cord was so short, Changkyun had to sit on the floor next to the outlet, which was a small price to pay for the chance to finally speak to Jacob. As soon as the call connected, Changkyun drowned out Jacob’s greeting with a flood of apologies and a declaration of his own unbelievable stupidity. When Changkyun eventually had to pause to breathe, Jacob interjected and assured him that he wasn’t mad. 

“I only started to really worry after the ninth call and then I reached out to Minhyuk.”

Changkyun minimized the call to see that Jacob had been telling the truth, he had no less than nine missed calls and even more unread text messages. He would check them later, right now he wanted to focus on the present Jacob, who apologized for missing his call the night before. Then he demanded a full explanation of what had happened with Junseo. Minhyuk had given him a short summary but Jacob wanted to hear it from Changkyun directly. 

Deciding that it was time for some complete honesty, Changkyun told Jacob about all of his interactions with Junseo in detail, ever since the first time they’d ran into each other at Starship. As usual, Jacob listened without interrupting, only humming occasionally to show that he was paying attention. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me at the café, you must have been in pain.”

“I didn’t want to talk about it and ruin everything”, Changkyun heard Jacob sighing.

“You getting assaulted would not ruin anything, not between you and me. It certainly wouldn’t change the way I feel about you.”

Changkyun blushed and knew that this was his opening, the question burning on his tongue. _No one remembers a coward._

“Speaking of feelings, um, what are we?”

“What?” Jacob sounded caught off-guard. 

“I mean, I guess I just wanted to know what you meant yesterday. Exactly.”

“The ’I like you’ wasn’t clear enough?” There was something unmistakably teasing in Jacob’s tone. 

“I just wanted to know what to call us, I think”, Changkyun cringed at how unsure he sounded and Jacob was not making this any easier. 

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, are we dating?” Changkyun couldn’t believe he’d gotten the words out. 

“I’d like that”, Jacob answered warmly before letting out a groan in frustration. “And now I really want to kiss you.” 

His sudden confession made Changkyun sputter.

“What are you doing right now?” Jacob asked and Changkyun could hear him moving around. 

“I’m at the dorm, we got the day off because of yesterday.”

“Alright, don’t move.” And then Jacob hung up.

Changkyun was frozen in his spot, wondering what just happened and what Jacob’s last words had meant. After a while he got up off the floor and ventured outside his room, finding Minhyuk in the kitchen. 

“Did you talk to him?” Minhyuk asked, arms deep in a bowl which contained what looked like some kind of dough. 

“Yeah, thanks for telling me”, Changkyun walked closer and took a look at Minhyuk kneading the dough. 

“No problem, I’ve gotten used to acting like the middleman, since you’re all useless at communicating”, the wink he sent Changkyun took the edge off his words. 

“I don’t know what we would do without you.”

“Just call me your fairy godmother, minus the bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.”

Changkyun grabbed an apple and settled on top of the countertop next to Minhyuk, quietly observing him work. When Minhyuk had turned the dough into small buns and put them in the oven, there was an urgent knocking in the door. Since Minhyuk was practically covered in flour, Changkyun offered to go answer it.

When Changkyun had opened the door, the last person he expected to see was Jacob. But there he was, all smiles and slightly laboured breath. Before Changkyun could even say ‘hello’, Jacob threw his arms around him and enveloped him in a tight embrace. Changkyun winced when Jacob brushed his arm against his bruises and the younger quickly let go. 

“Shit, I wasn’t thinking”, he looked Changkyun over to make sure he was alright. 

“It’s okay, it’s just that one spot that’s kinda sore”, Changkyun pulled his shirt up and Jacob gasped when he saw the bandage. 

“I really hope it looks worse than it is”, he said and Changkyun nodded with a reassuring smile. The he realize that they were standing in the middle of the hallway, the door still wide open to the outside. 

“Come in, I’ll give you the tour.”

Changkyun led Jacob into the kitchen where Minhyuk was wiping down the table. He made no attempts to hide his delight over the fact that Jacob had come over and Changkyun had to drag Jacob out of there before Minhyuk could say something that would surely make him want to sink through the floor. 

After the kitchen came the living room, where Hoseok and Hyungwon lounged on the couch. When Hyungwon registered that they had a guest he hastily disentangled himself from Hoseok and sat up, until he recognized Jacob, who greeted them with a bow. 

“Oh, hi Jacob”, he said in relief and sank back into Hoseok’s waiting arms. “Welcome to our humble abode, we’ve heard a lot about you.” Jacob got a pink tint on his cheeks at that and looked at Changkyun, who pretended he hadn’t heard anything and swiftly moved the tour along. They didn’t see anyone else so Changkyun assumed there were out somewhere or in their rooms. He led Jacob to his own room and there was a moment after closing the door when none of them seemed to know how to proceed from there. Changkyun felt obliged to take charge since it was his room, so he sat down on his bed and awkwardly patted the space beside him. Jacob sat down and Changkyun finally asked why he’d come over.

“Not that I mind, cause I don’t. I’m glad to see you”, he hurriedly explained so Jacob wouldn’t think he was a nuisance. “It was just so sudden.”

“At first I wanted to make sure you were okay from yesterday, but then you sort of doubted my feelings before saying you want us to be dating, so my goal changed.”

“To what?” Changkyun 

“I told you didn’t I?” Jacob smirked and moved closer. “I really want to kiss you.” He paused right before their lips would meet, deliberately letting Changkyun take the final step.

Changkyun couldn’t remember ever feeling this nervous before, and that was including his audition to enter Starship and becoming part of Monsta X. But he slowly leaned forward, subconsciously wetting his lips, and stopped breathing when they at last touched. It was so soft and tentative at first, both of them wanting to make sure that the other was comfortable with what was happening. 

Once they’d established that they were both very much enjoying themselves, the kiss grew in intensity and they became bolder with their touches. Changkyun put his hands on Jacob’s hips and Jacob had one hand on the nape of Changkyun’s neck and the other tangled up in his hair. Jacob bit Changkyun's lower lip, drawing out a moan from Changkyun, who felt Jacob smile against his lips. 

“You like that?” Jacob asked, pulling away far enough to take in Changkyun’s appearance. 

“Shut up”, Changkyun responded, happy to see that Jacob wasn’t all that composed either. They were both a bit out of breath and Changkyun knew his hair was a mess after Jacob’s roaming hands. He had kept his hands on Jacob’s hips but now he moved them to cup Jacob’s face and gave him a small peck on the mouth. 

“Are you still a bit unclear on what we are?” Changkyun rolled his eyes and tapped a finger on Jacob’s cheek.

“You know, I think you’ve forgotten who the hyung is in this relationship.”

“You might be onto something”, Jacob admitted shamelessly. “Maybe I need some reminding?” 

“Oh god, that sounded like the beginning of some role-playing porno.” Changkyun almost began laughing at the absurdity but when Jacob only arched a brow he almost choked instead. “What, really?”

“Yeah really, Changkyun- _ah._ ” 

~~~

If anyone noticed something off about Changkyun and Jacob when they emerged from the room an hour later, they didn’t say anything. However, Hyunwoo might have spotted Hyungwon reluctantly handing Minhyuk something that looked suspiciously like money underneath the table at dinner that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and hopefully enjoying it!^^
> 
> One chapter left and then maybe an epilogue, depending on how the last chapter turns out. I'm hoping to finish the story by the end of this week! 
> 
> PS. Excuse my frequent switching between British and American spelling, I have no control over it at this point...


	12. Chapter 12

Hyunwoo got a call from their manager the very next day and he said that there would be a meeting at the company to sort out the situation, which only Changkyun needed to attend. 

Naturally, they all went. 

“Did he say anything else?” Changkyun asked when they were on their way up in the elevator. 

“Not really”, Hyunwoo answered and placed a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder, sensing the younger’s distress. “But we’ll be with you every step of the way, don’t worry.”

He didn’t know if his words offered any comfort but when they reached the designated conference room, Changkyun seemed to have calmed down somewhat. Sure, his hands still shook when he pulled down the door handle, but at least he hadn’t bolted yet. 

A handful of vaguely familiar faces in suits met them when they stepped inside, higher ups within the company. These were people that Changkyun had seen occasionally while arriving to or leaving the company, they had never before directly interacted. He bowed politely and took a seat between Hoseok and Jooheon, both of them offering a sense of security. 

Once everyone was seated and the room was quiet, one of the men cleared his throat and glanced over in Changkyun’s direction. 

“So, it’s been brought to our attention that Im Changkyun has been subject to bullying during the last few weeks. Is that correct?” The man looked straight at Changkyun and he shrank down a bit in his chair before managing to confirm that it was true with a barely audible “yes”. 

“And the supposed bully is Gwon Junseo, who’s currently set to debut under Starship Entertainment?” Another man asked and Changkyun would have liked to remove the ‘supposed’ from the sentence. Apparently, Minhyuk felt the same. 

“There’s nothing ‘supposed’ about it”, he flared up before realizing that these were the men who held Changkyun’s fate in their hands. “With all due respect”, he added belatedly.

“Innocent until proven guilty”, another man shrugged. He wore glasses and had his hair slicked back, he seemed to be the youngest one out of them. 

“While this isn’t a trial”, the first man said sternly to the young man, “we have been informed by Hongsik that he can provide some kind of evidence.” He gestured towards their manager who nodded and stood up. Hongsik took out some pictures from a folder he’d had in front of him and Changkyun looked away when the men inspected the photos depicting his bruises. Some of them seemed slightly appalled by the pictures while others kept their faces void of any emotions. 

“It’s gonna be alright”, Hoseok whispered and rubbed his back, Changkyun smiled weakly at the older. 

The rest of the meeting went by quite smoothly, most of the superiors seemed to believe Changkyun’s story and they had began discussing the disciplinary actions they would take against Junseo. The younger man with glasses spoke up then, halting all other conversation.

“I trust that the photos are real but how are we supposed to judge that it really was Gwon Junseo who inflicted the injuries?” 

Silence spread and when Changkyun saw both Minhyuk and Kihyun tense up he knew there were only a matter of seconds before someone would go off. Thankfully, there was a timid knock on the door before anyone could react. For some reason Hongsik lit up and walked over to the door, opening it slightly. Changkyun could see a young woman outside, handing Hongsik a laptop as they spoke in hushed voices. After a minute the woman excused herself with a thumbs up at Hongsik and scurried off.

Changkyun could see his curiosity reflected in his members faces when their manager closed the door and returned to his seat with the newly acquired laptop.

“I apologize for the interruption, but this might bring some clarity to the case”, Hongsik directed the last part at the bespeckled man. He opened up the laptop and after a few seconds he started up a video and turned the screen so that everyone could see clearly. 

It took Changkyun a moment to understand what he was looking at, but when he did he felt sick to his stomach and Jooheon’s hand tightening on his shoulder was the only thing that prevented him from running out of the room. 

The video showed two people alone in a studio, but they weren’t working on anything. No, they seemed to be arguing and suddenly one of them approached the other and punched his stomach. Changkyun winced when he saw it, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to experience it a second time. The video didn’t have any sound so Changkyun didn’t look again until he felt a light tap on his knee. He hesitantly turned to the laptop and saw that it had been shut close. Hongsik looked at him with concern in his eyes and the members all seemed stunned. 

“Well, I think that settles the matter”, one of the older men in the room said and the others nodded in agreement, even the sceptical youngest one. “Violence is not tolerated within this company and we will see to it that Gwon Junseo will not make his debut with Starship, or any other company associated with us.” 

Changkyun couldn’t believe it had been that easy, was this really it? Would Junseo finally disappear from his life again, never to return again? 

When the men in suits left the room after the group and Hongsik had expressed their gratitude, Changkyun walked up to their manager and gave him a hug. “Thank you for everything.” 

Hongsik tried to explain that he hadn’t really done that much, he’d just asked a friend in the IT-department for the locations of the company’s surveillance cameras and then had her hunt down the specific footage for him. 

“Either way, great job hyung”, Jooheon smiled. They all thanked their manager before leaving the room and heading back to the dorm, Hongsik having informed them that they had another day off if they wanted to. 

“I don’t know about you but I’d like to spend the day doing as little as possible, who’s in?” Minhyuk looked around to see six hands in the air. “Fantastic.”

~~~

A week passed and the group tried to get back into the swing of things, Changkyun had been ordered to take it easy for the first few days until he felt well enough to join the others for training. The members had grown more protective of him and he was almost never left on his own anymore, always having at least one of the others accompanying him. He’d tried to calm them down, their manager had informed them that Junseo had already left the company. They’d asked if Changkyun wanted to press charges but he declined, he just wanted it to be over with and he wanted nothing to do with Junseo if he could help it.

Changkyun talked to Jacob every night without fail and they tried to meet up whenever they both had free time. The only thing that had really changed from when they were just friends was that now when they met up, it would involve secretive kisses when no one was around to see and the occasional hand-holding when they walked on an empty street. Thankfully, Changkyun’s members had been nothing but supportive of the relationship, treating Jacob’s presence in the dorm as if he was part of their family. To Changkyun’s great despair, Jacob and Minhyuk got along like a house on fire with no extinguisher in sight. When Changkyun brought this up with Jacob, the younger frowned in confusion before grinning. 

“No need to be jealous babe”, Jacob leant forward and pecked Changkyun’s cheek. “Don’t forget that I like you the most.”

Changkyun blushed, he still hadn’t quite gotten used to Jacob’s use of pet names, although he couldn’t deny the fuzzy feeling spreading inside of him whenever he heard it. 

All in all, things were looking up for Changkyun and he felt like he had finally settled into his place in the world, no matter how cliché Jacob pointed out that that sounded.

~~~

Changkyun walked home from a recording session with Hoseok and Hyungwon, the two of them holding hands were making Changkyun longing to get home so he could call Jacob and complain about having been third-wheeled all afternoon. He absentmindedly let his hand wander into his pocket to pick up his phone, maybe he should text Jacob to make sure he would be free to talk in a while. 

Except, his phone wasn’t there and Changkyun felt panic rise within like it always did when he thought he’d lost something important. He patted down all of his other pockets in both pants and jacket but the phone was nowhere to be found. He sighed heavily and the other two stopped in their tracks and looked at him questioningly. 

“What’s the matter?” Hyungwon asked when he saw Changkyun rub his hand over his face. 

“I think I left my phone back at the studio, I’ll go have a look but you guys can head back”, he started walking back the same way that they had come but turned around when he heard steps following him.

Hoseok held up his hands (one of them still grasping Hyungwon’s) and smiled at Changkyun’s scowling face. “We could help you look for it in case it isn’t in the studio and then go home together.” 

“I don’t need a babysitter every second of the day”, Changkyun knew that they would have let him go back alone had this happened a month ago, but the incident with Junseo was still too fresh in their minds. 

“Okay, we’ll wait in the lobby for you then”, Hyungwon compromised. “You head up to the studio and if you need help looking you can come get us. Deal?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever”, Changkyun sighed again, there was no arguing with these two once they’d made up their minds and he really wanted to find his phone as soon as possible.

As promised, the happy couple stretched out in a couch in the lobby while Changkyun walked towards the elevators. Since it was late in the evening, the place was mostly deserted and they could risk a bit of closeness. Changkyun sometimes envied them, as well as Kihyun and Hyunwoo, being able to spend most of their time together unlike him and Jacob. He’d complained about this to Minhyuk and the other had winked while offering up his services (“I think we could be the power-couple in this group as long as you keep it above the belt”). But, since Changkyun saw Minhyuk as a brother more than anything else, he’d politely declined while making sure the other knew it had nothing to do with his asexuality. Besides, he couldn’t imagine himself with someone who wasn’t Jacob, even if their schedules left some mutual free time to be desired. 

Changkyun brought himself out of his head once he reached the studio and unlocked the door, hoping to see his phone laying right out in the open. However, it was nowhere to be seen and Changkyun spent ten minutes turning the room upside down before finally finding what he was looking for. His phone had managed to get itself lodged between the desk and the wall, Changkyun didn’t even want to know how. He was just relieved that he had his phone back and wouldn’t have to search the rest of the building. He left the room and locked it behind him since no one had booked it later that night. 

Then he turned around and there was a hand on his throat, pushing him against the door with a thud. Changkyun tried to take a breath and started panicking when he found that the hand cut of the air supply to his lungs completely. He stared into Junseo’s eyes and saw only hate. He tried to ask what he was doing but couldn’t get more than a choked sob out, his eyes tearing up. 

“You took everything away from me, you worthless little fag ass”, Junseo brimmed with badly contained anger and Changkyun started to actually fear for his life when black spots began dancing at the edges of his field of vision. He weakly hit Junseo’s arm and dragged in a shallow breath when he was finally let go, barely managing to stay upright. 

His respite was short-lived as Junseo raised his fist and punched him on the cheek, sending Changkyun crumbling to the floor. 

“I can’t go anywhere now, apparently word got around that I’m ‘unsuited’ for the entertainment industry and no one will take me in even as a trainee.” Junseo was yelling now and Changkyun was trying to understand what he said but he had to concentrate on his breathing and not passing out. His whole head throbbed and his cheek felt like it was swelling up. 

“Please”, he said in a hoarse voice, just loud enough for Junseo to hear him. 

“Please what?” Junseo said in a mocking tone. “Please get help, please don’t punch me again, please be my boyfriend? I don’t think you’re in a position to ask anything from me.” Junseo punctuated his words with a kick aimed at Changkyun’s face and he brought his hands up in an attempt to protect himself. 

But nothing happened. 

Changkyun slowly removed his hands and saw a glimpse of Hoseok running past him, chasing Junseo down the hall while Hyungwon knelt down by his side. 

“Are you alright?” Hyungwon asked in a shaky voice, gingerly touching Changkyun’s cheek which must have looked bad since the older had a deep frown on his face. “I pushed him away before he could kick you but it looks like we were too late anyway.” 

“Thanks”, Changkyun whispered and clutched at his throat, bringing Hyungwon’s attention to the red marks that had started appearing there. 

“Shit”, Hyungwon inhaled sharply and Changkyun gripped the sleeve of his sweater desperately when the other tried to move away, presumably to join the hunt for Junseo.

“Please don’t leave me”, he felt pathetic asking but Hyungwon seemed to understand how he felt because he immediately stilled. Then he helped Changkyun sit up against the wall and placed himself beside him. He took Changkyun’s hand in his and assured him that everything would be okay. 

After a few minutes of silence where Changkyun got his breathing mostly back to normal, Hoseok returned, alone. 

“Junseo?” Hyungwon inquired when Hoseok crouched down in front of them. 

“He ran straight into a guard, whom I told what about what had happened and he was going to make sure it was taken care of.” Hoseok inspected Changkyun and, like Hyungwon, he soon noticed the faint red marks resembling fingers above the collar of Changkyun’s shirt. “On second thought, I’ll go back and kill him right now.” 

“No”, Changkyun protested with his still hoarse voice. “Just take me home, please.”

He could tell the other two hesitated, they probably would have liked to take him to the hospital and Changkyun knew that he probably should have agreed to that. But he really just wanted to go home and surround himself with his members to remind himself that he had people on his side. People who wouldn’t hurt him and instead take care of him, which was what he needed right now. Not the disturbingly clean smell of a hospital and strangers prodding at his body and asking questions. 

“Fine, but we’ll take you to see a doctor tomorrow, we need to make sure you’re alright.” Hoseok helped him to his feet slowly and, ignoring Changkyun’s protests, carried him on his back all the way back home to the dorm. 

Once home, the trio was bombarded by questions from the rest of the group. 

“What happened?”

“Who did this?”

“Did someone try to strangle you?”

They only let up once Hoseok could reassure them that it was taken care of but when they found out that Junseo had somehow managed to get into the building and ambushed Changkyun, they were livid. 

“We’re absolutely pressing charges now, not only for assault and what was basically attempted murder but he also trespassed, which can be easily proven”, Kihyun stated. Changkyun couldn’t do anything but agree, Junseo had gone way too far this time and he didn’t want to risk it happening ever again. Simply getting Junseo kicked out of the company obviously hadn’t been enough so this time he had to take the matter further. 

“Alright, we can tell manager tomorrow and have him help us with the legal process”, Changkyun looked at Hyunwoo who nodded to show that he could call the manager. “But tonight I just want to rest and not think about anything else, so could we just watch a dumb movie or something and not talk about it?”

The others nodded reluctantly but they respected Changkyun’s need for normalcy and so they bunkered up with popcorn and all flavors of soda in front of the tv. Changkyun sat in the middle of them all and when they all simultaneously laughed at the movie, he relaxed and felt like everything was back to normal. At least for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and being patient with my irregular updates!
> 
> This is the last proper chapter, but there is a short epilogue coming. I hope the ending doesn't seem too rushed but I'm leaving for a three weeks long vacation in the morning and wanted to finish this before then since I won't have time to upload anything while I'm away. If it does feel too rushed I might come back to this and rewrite it, but honestly I'll probably just leave it as is ^^ hope you liked it!
> 
> Trying to upload the epilogue within the next few hours!


	13. Epilogue

“See you later!” Changkyun shouted before leaving the dorm. He heard a faint “use protection” from someone (definitely Minhyuk) before the door closed behind him. His backpack, filled to the brim with snacks and a blanket, bounced against his back as he practically flew down the stairs. 

It was a warm summer’s day and he headed towards a nearby park which was big enough to have a secluded area where you could have some privacy. Changkyun had stumbled over it months ago when they had been playing around with a frisbee and it had flown straight into a bush. Changkyun had been looking for it when he realized that you could squeeze between the branches in the bush and behind it was a small glade hidden from the public eye. At the time, Changkyun had shrugged, spotted the frisbee and gone back out to continue playing. 

Now though, Changkyun was grateful that he’d found the hidden gem. It made for a perfect picnic spot if you wanted to meet up with your boyfriend without having to act like two bros just casually hanging out. Sure, they could always meet up in Monsta X’s dorm where they could be themselves but it wasn’t the same as going on an actual date outside. 

When Changkyun had fought his way through the greenery he was greeted by Jacob’s blinding smile and small wave. He sat in the middle of the glade, basking in the sunlight which made his hair and skin glow. He looked absolutely ethereal and Changkyun sat down next to him and leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek. But Jacob turned his head at the last minute and their lips met instead. Changkyun hummed happily as Jacob laid them down on the grass without breaking the kiss. 

“Hi”, Jacob whispered once they separated. 

“Hi”, Changkyun responded. “You look beautiful, just in case you didn’t know.”

“I do know”, Jacob smiled. “Thank you, and I love you new hair.” He raised his hand and took a lock of Changkyun’s hair, twirling it between his fingers. “It’s lighter.”

“Yeah, I quite like it myself”, Changkyun waited until Jacob had finished touching his hair and then he pulled out the blanket from his backpack, followed by enough snacks to feed a small army. Jacob had a cooler next to him, he’d been in charge of beverages and he brought out numerous bottles with various contents. 

“You didn’t tell me what we were celebrating”, Jacob remembered once they’d started eating. 

“Oh right”, Changkyun swallowed and put down his sandwich. He took out his phone and showed Jacob the last text message he’d gotten. It was from his manager and it contained some good news. 

“He’s going away for two years? Are we happy with that or would you have liked it longer?” 

“Well”, Changkyun pondered, “I’m happy with it at least. Hoseok and Kihyun thought that it should have been more considering the, uhm, strangling. But I think two years will be enough to make sure he won’t come after me again.”

“If you are happy, I’m happy”, Jacob raised his bottle and took a sip. “And I’m just glad to know that he won’t be able to touch you for a good while.”

Changkyun agreed with Jacob, he’d been incredibly relieved once he had realized that Junseo was going to be locked in a cell he couldn’t escape for two whole years. Although he still felt a little bad about how it all turned out, he had had enough discussions with the members and Jacob to feel like it wasn’t his fault after all. 

“Nope, you however can”, Changkyun waggled his eyebrows at Jacob. He’d tried to be more confident in his flirting when it was just the two of them and Jacob seemed to welcome the change. At least when he actually understood what Changkyun was saying. 

“I’m sorry what? What about me?” 

“You’re able to touch me, like now for example, if you wanted to.” 

Jacob gaped at Changkyun, who promptly blushed in response to the reaction. Changkyun was just about to apologize for his stupid mouth when Jacob surged forward, food and drinks completely forgotten. Their lips met and so did their tongues not long after. Hands wandered and they took a short break to clear the blanket of everything but themselves and then laid down on it. 

Minhyuk would have been proud to know that Changkyun took his advice to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all over, finito, done. 
> 
> At least this part of the series is. I just wanted to write a little something to wrap things up before moving onto the next story. 
> 
> (I mentioned this in the last chapter but) I'm going on vacation and when I get back in about three weeks I'll write the next story in the series. It will be about Shownu enlisting, which I said I would give a shot at writing about ages ago. But you know, better late than never I guess. So look forward to that, leave kudos and/or comments if you liked this ^^
> 
> And as always, thank you so much for reading and I hoped you enjoyed!


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